And a VERY MERRY CHRISTmas it was!!
We had a great weekend. We enjoyed our time together. Tim was very disappointed in TK's reaction to the 4-wheeler. We piled is gifts on and around it. He said WOW COOL - A... basketball! (Tim and I looked at each other like wha'?) So then we said what is the basketball sitting on?! He said very nonchalantly a 4-wheeler. He did get excited about it once he opened the helmet. They were out at 7:50AM (yep AM) riding it Christmas morning. I'm sure the neighbors were real happy! Oh well - it only comes once a year!
I did think of my wonderful friends I've made here and prayed that each of you were having a magical and blessed Christmas morning too!
I took yesterday off from work and went to the outlet mall. They have the BEST deals the day after and apparantly everyone is shopped out because the place is DEAD! I LOVE IT! I took Tucker with me because Tim isn't feeling well. I wasn't very thrilled about taking him shopping and trying on clothes etc HOWEVER he was the BEST ANGEL ever and we ended up having a TOTAL blast!!!! We went to have lunch after a couple of hours of shopping (and I never not even once had to yell at him - a 5 yr old boy shopping for womens clothes)! When we got done eating he announced to everyone outside... with hands raised in the air "This is the best day ever, I love this day, I love my mom, I love my dad"! WOW! I'm taking him shopping more often! LOL! Nah, better not press my luck!
Well, I hope you all have found your way out of the mounds of wrapping paper, ribbons and bows! Pat, I truly prayed that this Christmas was your best yet and that you were able to enjoy Josh and his brothers!

As a woman who's dealt with two grandmothers with Alzheimer's and see the beginnings in a parent (and won't doubt if I see it in my mother also) this song hit me.
I cried as I miss my grandmother's so very much. My paternal grandmother Grandma Catherine Igo - I remember when I was 17 and she was telling me about how her and Grandpa were going to get married - holding her skirt just like a girl... I completley get this song:
Ellsworth:
Grandma burned the biscuits
nearly took the house down with it
now she's in assisted livin
we all knew this day would come
we knew she too gone to drive
the day she parked on I-65
found her on the shoulder cryin
she didn't know where she was
it's like her mind just quit
oh but bring up grandpa
it's like someone flipped a switch
a front porch light and blue desoto
couple of straws in a coca-cola
you could see it all goin down
a handsome boy in army green
a tear on his face down on a knee
shaky voice a diamond ring
she'll put you in that town
tomorrow she won't remember
what she did today
But just ask her about Ellsworth
Kansas 1948
She takes out his medals
a cigar box of letters
sits and scatters pictures
black and whites of days gone by
we started losin her when
she lost him
but to hear her carry on
you'd swear she's seventeen again
Football games and leaves
are cracklin
walking her home in his letter jacket
you could see it all goin down
a perfect night on a front porch glider
sayin goodnight for the next three hours
her tired eyes grow wide and bright
when she talks about that town
tomorrow she won't remember
what she did today
but just ask her about Ellsworth
Kansas 1948
while the world is fading
all around her
sharin a sundae at the counter
he goin on and on about her
bet she's right there right now
tomorrow she won't remember
what she did today
but just ask her about ellsworth
Kansas 1948

A post for Neicy (and really all of you strong women who've been here for me).

I got my birthday present last night from my husband (don't ask). I got the Rascal Flatts CD I've been wanting. Well the very 1st song is STAND. As I read the words I thought of myself and how I handle things and then I thought of Neicy because she is so right here in the middle of this song right now - so here's for you woman!
STAND:
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
just like a picture with a broken frame
alone and helpless
like you've lost your fight
but you'll be alright you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
you taste what your made of
you might bend til you break
cause it's all you can take
on your knees you look up
decide you've had enough
you get mad, you get strong
wipe your hands, shake it off
then you stand, then you stand
life's like anovel with the end ripped out
the edge of a canyon with only one way down
take what you're given
before it's gone
and start holdin' on start holdin' on
every time you get up
and get back in the race
one more small piece of you
starts to fall into place
YEAH
So, that's going to be one of my top favs for awhile. God loves ya Neice, and I love ya, and you are going to get up dust yourself off and STAND PROUD! YOU GO GIRL!

Tucker had basketball practice last night. I swear if you want a good laugh go to your local YMCA and watch 5 & 6 year olds play basketball. FUNNY!
I'm going to buy stocking stuffers today and then I can call ALL DONE! I talked to a woman this morning and she said she was going out at lunch today to START! I said START? OH MY! I'd be a panicked mess. I am such a control freak. I can't stand to feel like things are spinning out of control. So anyways, I have things wrapped and under the tree and some wrapped things are hidden that way it looks like alot Christmas morning. Not that Tucker will notice w/ a 4 wheeler sitting in the living room floor! HEY! Let me take a poll: Ya' know Santa doesn't wrap things in my house...however... I was thinking about covering the 4 wheeler with a sheet w/ a big bow on it... and saving it for last... like working up to it and letting the anticipation build and let that be the big BANG! Or should I just leave it unwrapped and let that be the 1st thing he sees? Let me know what you think.
Ah, we are half way through this week! SHEW!

So as Kris so kindly pointed out (just kidding Kris) yesterday was my birthday. I had a great weekend. My friends from here at work and I went to the Funnybone comedy club Friday night and saw Christian Finnegan. He was SO very funny! We had a great time. Saturday Tucker had b-ball game and I did another head of hair (which turned out FABU). Then I took my dad out for dinner to my favorite mexican resturant (El Dorado) for his birthday dinner (his is the 12th). Then Sunday was church and went to moms for dinner (mexican) :-) and birthday cake. I was born in Mt View California. My parents lived in San Jose and there was a mexican family that lived next door. My mom got some amazing recipes from them and so every b-day I ask her to make them. So yummy! I do feel a bit like I am living in Calif. right now. The weather here as been so fabulous. I can remember having a b-day party outside when I was 4. Dad told me the other day we went swimming one year for Christmas. There was a community pool across the street from our house. Man! I can handle a green Christmas! Yesterday I didn't do anything special. I worked, did some shopping and went home. My hubby and I haven't spoken a word to each in almost a week now. So he of course did nothing for my b-day. Which isn't unusual even when we're getting along he's usually a week late! Our 1st wedding anniv I didn't get anything for like a month. And that's only because I cried!
My heart hurts but I'm in prayer, trying to stay postive. Tucker doesn't have a clue that anything is wrong so that's good! He said yessterday morning (as we were waiting for the daycare teacher to show up) I miss my daddy. I wish he worked 3rd shift and not 2nd shift (I swear he said it) he said I want my daddy home at night with me to play.
Now let me tell you - it took all that I had to not cry! I said I understand buddy, mommy misses him too very much. That's all I could say. Now see, now he's hurting my kid with this stupid job. Can anyone out there in blogger world explain the need to me to play cops and robbers? I mean you aren't accomlishing anything. The stupid judge lets them right back out or half the time they post bond before you have even finished the paperwork. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to do this job over time with their family? I don't get it. I don't understand it and I never will. So anyways... we are roomies - he's gone by 2:45 and I get home about 4:00 I'm in bed at 9 he gets home at 11:30. I get up at 5:00am and he's in bed. So we never see each other. He never has time to talk on the phone when he's working so he doesn't have time for us anymore. That's what I wanted to tell Tucker but I decided to take the high road. Yeah me (said in a very sarcastic tone).
Anyways...I am looking forward to the weekend. I can't wait to see Tucker Christmas morning. I can't wait to play with his toys with him. That kid makes my life! He's so cool!
Hope you have a FESTIVE day!

I was given this advice right before I got married from a wise christian man whom I dearly love!
If you get into a fight in your marriage, ask yourself is this worth divorcing over - if the answer is no then it's not worth fighting over. I've asked myself that alot and the answer has always been no.
But this time, the answer is yes. Yes, his job is destroying my marriage and I'd rather be divorced than to continue to live with it. So, if its Gods will then he will provide the out. I wasn't a christian when I married this man, so if I married the wrong man God will make it happen.
But yes, I'm ready to be out the only thing stopping me is my child. We just moved into this neighborhood, this house, this life and I hate to destroy my childs childhood. So, I will sit in unhappiness (I won't file - onces Tim is as miserable as I am then he'll file). Poor Tucker, he doesn't deserve this.

how do you let go without giving in
how do stop being angry but still make a stand
how do you let go of resentment and not compromise
how do live with someone without loving them or hating them
how do you have peace and still make your point
how do you let go of stubborness and still get your way
how do you let go of hatred when its all that is keeping you warm
how do you let go without letting go of it all

HATE:

A seething darkness sits at the bottom of my heart. Years of disappointment, hurtful words, dreams dead and gone. It sits there and bubbles just waiting to jump. Then it happens, the moment the darkness has been waiting for. A word drops, a voice raised, then its in the air and floats around for eternity and darkness jumps up, boiling over spilling onto everything that comes into its path. So hard to feel, so hard to smile when you veins are pulsing with blackness and your heart and mind race at the same speed drowning in the ooze of the darkness.

Kids say the funniest things:

Kid: Mom we have a screw house don't we?

Mom: A what?!

Kid: You know a SCREW house! We don't have any lights. Daddy is just an ole screw isn't he?

Mom: You mean Scrooge? Yes he is and yes we do.

Kid: Yeah, Screw, like that mean old man in the movie!

Kid: So Santa lives in North Pole City

Mom: Yep

Kid: He has 6 reindeer and 7 if Rudolph works

Mom: Yep

Kid: Santa has magic

Mom: Yep

Kid: Yep, I sure know alot about this Santa stuff

Mom: Yes you sure do!

See why I love my kid?!

Well, I can't wait until tonight! I told Tucker that tonight is a Spencer-free night (his best buddy). I said tonight is a mommy Tucker night. We're going to play Trouble, work on some school work, read some books and go to basketball practice. I can't wait to hang out with my kid. He's so fun and has the greatest imagination!
Watching 5 yr olds play basketball is hysterical! So, I'll get a good laugh at that. Then we'll be in bed by 8:30! I am so tired!
My day seems like it's never going to end. I don't even know if blogger will post this since I haven't been able to post any comments all day. Wish me luck!

Another good weekend. Tucker had his first basketball game - let me tell you... that was HYSTERICAL!!!! Once he finally got the ball he grabbed it and ran down the court the whole way... never even attempted to dribble the ball. SO FUNNY! That was a riot. Then I took him to see Santa at his school. It was a PTO thing. We got cookies and hot chocolate and sat and talked for awhile. I just love times like that with my boy! He has the most interesting things to say. Then... mom came over and we all made a gingerbread house, baked and decorated cookies, and made homemade candy. He REALLY enjoyed the house and the cookies. By the time we got to candy he was tired and over it. Can't blame him I was too! Then I cut & colored mom's hair and she colored mine. Very busy day! Skipped Sunday school and went to church folded clothes, and hung out with my boy some. His best friend Spencer came down. He's there EVERYDAY! I told him I was going to go ahead and adopt him and turn my craft room into his bedroom. He just laughs. They said to me once, hey you are different from Spencers mom and I asked how and they both said YOUR CRAZY she's not! LOL!!! Yep, I'm a nut, I sing and dance and make the boys laugh and I hug and kiss and tickle them both. Spencer totally hates kisses (or so he acts) but funny wherever I am so is he. LOL! I had another friend come up yesterday evening and I cut colored and hi-lited her hair. She gave me a pic of Sandra Bullock on the front of Glamor and said I want my hair to look like that (yep Kris I thought of you and what laugh we'd get out of that)! Now if you've seen that pic - this friend has dishwater blonde very thin very fine hair. It took work. I did talk her out of the dark color (didnt' want her to look goth) so we went with a light red (her daughter is a red head) and it turned out gorgeous! I loved it (if I may say so myself)! LOL! Today - ugh - it's dragging! But! I did go to family christian and get the CUTEST gifts for my missionettes class. They had these totally princess hair ties that say God's little princess and some pencils that say Angels are watching over you and a cute little bag with a kitten and it says a little blessing just for you and smarties with scriptures on them. For 5 girls for $12.00!!! YEAH!! I am so glad to have that done. I am starting to look forward to Christmas. Tim got Tucker a 4-wheeler!!! Yep, I am a little concerned because I was cool w/ a 70cc (small one) but he got him a 110! BUT you can govern it down to do 4 mph and it has the parent remote and all the safety features. So I think Tucker will just fall out in excitment! And it's red - his very favorite color!
So that's my life for now...Hoping you all are having blessed days!

Another good weekend. Tucker had his first basketball game - let me tell you... that was HYSTERICAL!!!! Once he finally got the ball he grabbed it and ran down the court the whole way... never even attempted to dribble the ball. SO FUNNY! That was a riot. Then I took him to see Santa at his school. It was a PTO thing. We got cookies and hot chocolate and sat and talked for awhile. I just love times like that with my boy! He has the most interesting things to say. Then... mom came over and we all made a gingerbread house, baked and decorated cookies, and made homemade candy. He REALLY enjoyed the house and the cookies. By the time we got to candy he was tired and over it. Can't blame him I was too! Then I cut & colored mom's hair and she colored mine. Very busy day! Skipped Sunday school and went to church folded clothes, and hung out with my boy some. His best friend Spencer came down. He's there EVERYDAY! I told him I was going to go ahead and adopt him and turn my craft room into his bedroom. He just laughs. They said to me once, hey you are different from Spencers mom and I asked how and they both said YOUR CRAZY she's not! LOL!!! Yep, I'm a nut, I sing and dance and make the boys laugh and I hug and kiss and tickle them both. Spencer totally hates kisses (or so he acts) but funny wherever I am so is he. LOL! I had another friend come up yesterday evening and I cut colored and hi-lited her hair. She gave me a pic of Sandra Bullock on the front of Glamor and said I want my hair to look like that (yep Kris I thought of you and what laugh we'd get out of that)! Now if you've seen that pic - this friend has dishwater blonde very thin very fine hair. It took work. I did talk her out of the dark color (didnt' want her to look goth) so we went with a light red (her daughter is a red head) and it turned out gorgeous! I loved it (if I may say so myself)! LOL! Today - ugh - it's dragging! But! I did go to family christian and get the CUTEST gifts for my missionettes class. They had these totally princess hair ties that say God's little princess and some pencils that say Angels are watching over you and a cute little bag with a kitten and it says a little blessing just for you and smarties with scriptures on them. For 5 girls for $12.00!!! YEAH!! I am so glad to have that done. I am starting to look forward to Christmas. Tim got Tucker a 4-wheeler!!! Yep, I am a little concerned because I was cool w/ a 70cc (small one) but he got him a 110! BUT you can govern it down to do 4 mph and it has the parent remote and all the safety features. So I think Tucker will just fall out in excitment! And it's red - his very favorite color!
So that's my life for now...Hoping you all are having blessed days!

Ok, we've now had snow, I'm listening to Christmas music 24/7, I went shopping yesterday and I STILL don't have that fun oh I'm so excited it's almost Christmas feeling. I'm not sure why I just can't get it this year. Oh well, maybe next.
I took the day off yesterday (per my husbands request) and we went shopping and he took me out to eat. We did enjoy the day together but we both said (and this is so sad) that we didn't have as much fun as we wanted or thought we'd have.
I don't know if it's because we spent so much of the day in the car driving or what. The day seemed to fly by!
I've got some more hair appts scheduled for Saturday, Sunday and next Saturday. Wow, it's really cool when you pray for something and all of a sudden it really happens and you didn't have to wait for it. SO COOL! I love doing hair but I sure don't miss doing it for a living.
The rest of my December is very hectic. I'm looking forward to spring already. Geesh, I'm going to have along winter huh?
I do have some fun things planned through church, getting to know some of the people better and I'm excited about that.
My hubby's job still sucks and as far as that goes I'm still taking it one day at a time and believing in God to get me through.
We really need to get worked through this stuff because I want a baby and I REALLY REALLY want it now. I'm ready, I'm mentally prepared to stay up nights, no sleep, am ready (well as ready as one can be) for those terrible, nasty, horribly awful three's! But I know now it's just one year I can make it through and laugh my way through it. If I can just get my oh so very uptight husband to relax this would be great.
Tucker has been doing so fabulous in school. I can't tell you how my heart soars with gratefulness to the Lord for it. It's so awesome! He's a blast and now that he's getting along so well at school he realizes how easy and great life can be for him. I still think Tucker will always take the hard road he's just like his mother after all but hopefully it won't be as hard!
I'm really missing my little sister tons and tons. Why does she have to live in Montanna for petes sake! Its so very far away. I've cried a few times now thinking about her not being here for Christmas. It's not like it's the first time... but this year is harder for some reason. Must have to do with my mood.

Let me just say... I had a GREAT day yesterday - a VERY much needed girls afternoon!
I did a couple of friends hair (which I hope they are happy with). But let me tell you, I had so much fun laughing, joking, talking, catching up. I so very much needed it! So, I was blessed. And they both overpayed me so thank you SOOO much!! God truly blessed me yesterday!
And today! I forgot to write down an online purchase and busted my act. then of course the 25 fee so the next online order (which I had logged) didn't clear add another $25!!! I tried to get to the bank very first thing for the first one and by the time I got there the 2nd one had hit. I stood at her counter as tears started slipping and I start handing her Christmas money to cover the $50 plus the online purchase. So she says wait... she went and talked to her supervisor. She comes back and says I get a one time courtesy fee. So I think she's going to refun $25 and I am thrilled...well she refunded the full $50!!! I said God bless you!! She said merry christmas and I cried tears of joy!! God bless the teller at the bank!!!
Thank you God!!
Hope this finds everyone having a great Monday...