Hi, I'm still, still alive.
Enjoyed Thanksgiving at my sisters.
Friday I decided to stay home from work I have been batteling sinus' again. I should've come to work, it was a BAD spouse day and ended up being a horribley horribley lonely night. But because of that night I have had to do some serious re-evaluating of my spiritual walk, faith, self-esteem, etc. Good things will come from that very bad night.
An old friend got in touch with me through this website called classmates.com. Chris Baker (I know you remember her Kris). We were all going to form a band and call it Odunem - Menudo spelled backwards - we were in love with Menudo. LOL!! What dorks we were!
Anyways, I haven't really gotten to talk to her because I've had such a sore throat that I didn't want to talk on the phone. But I do find it odd how all of these people are crashing in from my past all at once. I'm not sure if its the enemy trying to tempt me into being my old self or if it's the Lord wanting me to share my new life with them. Or possibly both. Lord will have to give me strength to the temptations the devil will send my way.
BUT I CAN DO IT!

It is my prayer for each of you to have an abundantly blessed thanksgiving! I pray that each of you are able to let go of your fears, stresses, or whatever it is that troubles you for this day and enjoy the family that you have. That you will be able to have a grateful heart for what you have. I know that as I say my prayer tomorrow I will specifically thank God for each of you that I have met out here. I have received awesome advice and unconditional love from you all.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Another Monday.
I'm trying to get sick. I can feel the cough starting in my chest and in my throat. Tucker is too, he was trying to cough this morning. GREAT, sick just in time for the holidays.
I took cough syrup when I went to bed last night, now I can't wake up. Then I remembered that tonight is the dinner at Tim's parents. Now, I don't wanna wake up!
I know that's terrible of me. But it's how I feel.
On a good note: Tucker and I snuggled and loved on the couch last night. For like an hour and a half. It felt wonderful and he smells so wonderful. He's got the cutes little scratchy voice... I love to hear him giggle. He had a great day at school yesterday!!!! So, we went to get his slushy and we celebrated by snuggeling and talking on the couch. That kid is my life!
My definition of love for my kid: To go around with my heart walking around outside my body.
Enjoy your days!
Peace and love be with you

Good Monday afternoon. We had our non-Thanksgiving thanksgiving carry-in today. No thanksgiving fare allowed. I am so full - I have a headache because I have food coma! I am in desperate need of a nap!
So, everyone is all excited it's thanksgiving a short week. NOT FOR ME! I still have to come in everyday but Thursday. HOWEVER, I am going to sleep in Friday and show up to work in sweat pants because all the government people will be off. I do hate to come to work because we are so close to the mall I dread the traffic.
So, my weekend was pretty uneventful. My buckeyes did win and I got tell my husband a Michigan fan that he sucks. HAHA! I let Tucker have a friend spend the night. First time. Last time. Oh my! Actually not the last time, it kept Tucker out of my hair (sort of) he was pretty mouthy and bossy. I had to sit him in time out a couple of times, I threatned to wash his mouth with soap if he talked back to me one more time. Oh my teen years are going suck!
Saturday hung out around the house. Made steak, baked potatoes, vegies and hung out by myself and watched the game (gee Kris El Dorado sounds wonderful - next time call me)!
Tucker and his friend ran back and forth between each others houses all day Saturday and then he took a 3 1/2 hour nap! So, I spent Saturday alone. Yesterday after church I made to dream pies and a roaster pan full of baked spaghetti. Tucker's Nana and Papa from Georgia were up and came got him for a couple of hours (ok, they aren't really family we just call them that). So, I went to the thanksgiving dinner at church by myself. So, I had some alone time this weekend and it was nice. My house is spotless, my laundry is done, and I'm ready for the weekend.
We are going to my sisters for thanksgiving. She lives about two hours away. I can't wait to see her and her kids. I miss my babysister tons and tons. I wish Montanna wasn't so far away!
We had our first snow today. Tucker was thrilled! Although he's going to be so dissapointed when he gets home as I'm sure it's melted by now. But I have to say it was BEAUTIFUL this morning! It wasn't on the sidewalks and streets but it was everywhere else. The trees and bushes were covered and the few houses that have lights up were covered. It was cool. But I hate snow and I hate cold! I did thank the Lord for my garage!
OH! I watched The Drug Years on VH1 this weekend. Wow, I was so born in the wrong era. I am such a total hippie. Peace, love, music, self expression. I would've made a great flower power child. Watching interviews with Jerry Garcia and Janice Joplin. Watching Jimi Hendrix play (stoned out of his mind) he was an AMAZING musician. So ahead of his time. I wonder how great he was sober?! Jefferson Airplane! Wow, takes me back to my party days. What a great time they were. BUT I am glad that they are over. I think I've talked about this before so I'll shutup now...
Have a great week

We don't give a damn 'bout the whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan, we don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan we're from OHIO OH- we're from OHIO - IO
We're from OHIO!!!!
Sing to the OSU fight song...
GO BUCKS!!!! YOU MAKE US PROUD!!!
I love the Ohio State Buckeyes!!!!
MICHIGAN SUCKS - ANN ARBOR IS A WHORE!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!

Something my friend sent me... isn't that beautiful?!

Something for me to remember: NOTHING tastes as good as thin FEELS!
I am one to celebrate. I love a good party. I truly, genuinely am excited for someone when something wonderful happens to them whether I know them or not. I cry when I hear tragic news, I cry when I hear great news about complete strangers. I act really tough but really I wear my heart on my sleeve. So anyways, I love to eat. I mean how else do you celebrate? When a group of my friends get together we eat. What else is there to do? Well, I need to remember that even though we are celebrating that I still need to eat healthy. I need to celebrate the moment, the friends, not the food we're eating. (Too bad I didn't read this yesterday before Cracker Barrell and 4 pieces of french toast)!
So aneeeee-waaaayz! I watch Biggest Loser and am so motivated by it! When I go to the gym and I'm tired and I think I can't push this weight up one more time... I think back at that 5'5 245 lb woman pushing weights ALL DAY LONG. I think now if they can do it you most certainly can! I would LOVE and DREAM of hiring Bob Harper to be my personal trainer for even just a month! That's the kind of motivation I need. You think he'd fly to OH to train me?
LOL! It was once my dream (don't laugh) to be in the Ms Fitness competition. Lena Johanesson (sp) rocks. She has this amazing body yet still very very feminine. I am SO not into body building. That's just gross. Anyways, I am getting better, I have found my own motivation. I am going to they gym alone and not in need of a friend to motivate me. In fact I've found I work much harder by myself. I have designed my own routine. I am eating really well (other than the cracker barrell). And I am going to allow myself times of pigging out, I am going to allow myself moments to eat chocolate. I can not deprive myself of sweets. I do however, have to change the way I look at food. That it is not the treat, it is not a reward! I used to go out to lunch on Fri. with the gang here at work. No more. I now go to the gym, I will no longer pig out. every week. I am now putting that $10 I would've spent on lunch in an envelope and will use that money to reward myself with a trip to the craft store or clothes. I mean, that's $40 a month! Eating a huge steak, potatoes, tons of sweet tea, dessert, and greasy vegies isn't worth it! I really need to change the way I think when I go out to eat also. When I am at a resturant I just can't make myself eat healthy. I want to eat what tastes good! I need to find a happy medium in there somewhere. I'm not one to special order things, I get embarrased and never want to put anyone out (even though I am paying them) I don't want anyone to ever do anything extra for me. (of course when that come to a relationship that causes problems). I believe they call it martyer syndrome! That's awhole 'nother post! ok, so I've gone on long enough... I have made some progress and will be proud of myself. I still have more to make. When I look in the mirror instead of saying negative things I'm going to say I see improvement!

What a peaceful night! {smiles}
Tucker had a fairly good day at school, he's still grounded from Monday so he couldn't play with friends. So, we curled up the couch with dorito's and the new Mystic Force Power Ranger special the Final Spell. Schwan's showed up and I ordered some Race Trax ice cream and then we both sat down with TWO bowls a piece and ate it! We laughed, giggled, snuggled, loved, and high-yawed each other all night! It was a blast! When that was over we worked on writing some new words, practiced letters, practiced using scissors (cutting on the line) and read and then it was bathtime and bedtime. While he was in bath I read a book my sister loaned me. It's Joyce Meyer's but I can't remember the name... something like woman to woman. It's very good and SO very true so far. A very easy read. I need to go back and write down some of the verses she has in there so I can carry them around with me.
I am supposed to be meeting my friend at Cracker Barrel today... let's see if she cancels. I brought my gym bag just in case.
So, life is pretty peaceful so far without Tim home at night. It'll get lonely in a week or so. OH! And his mom called last night to invite us over Tuesday for thanksgiving dinner (she has to work thanksgiving day). Well, now Tucker and I have to go alone, Tim won't be off that day, I feel obligated. They live an hour away and it's not 6:30. I'm really not close to his family at all. I love his dad but his mom just stares at me. She's a country woman who still lives in 1950's. I have nothing to talk to these people about! And Tim's brother and his family will be there. I try so hard to talk to Beth about the kids and such but she just sits in a chair and stares at her feet and says yes or no and that's about it. I'm totally going to have to psyche myself up for this one! I just don't feel like a part of that family. His mom still talks to Tim's ex-wife and she feels the need to fill me on the details of Sarah's life. Now, don't get me wrong. I think it's great that she still talks to her. They were all very close and I think that's fantastic. But I don't really need to know. Tim's mom I'm sure thinks I'm a monster too because I don't buy her cards and such for her birthday and mother's day. I'm sorry but I feel that's my husbands responsibility to take care of his own family. Well, he hates his mother (she's his step mother but the only mom he really knows since he was like 6 months old). So, he'll send his dad a fathers day card but not send her a mothers day card. I have discussed it with him, that he needs to forgive, he needs to move on. But then I got just a little taste of her favortism (long story) and I got a glimpse of what Tim has dealt with his whole life. So, as a good wife should, I support my husband. I still tell him for his health and his own life he needs to forgive and move on. Anyways... good grief. I had no intentions of rambling on like this. Mercy! Don't get me started on something or else you'll never shut me up!

Just a quick note gotta run...
Dr called... tests came back normal. YAAA!!!
So I am just full of hot air! (I already knew that)!
So, I'm normal - (not!)

What a wonderful weekend. Just what the Dr ordered! Friday was such a beautiful day. It was 69 degrees and full sun!! A very nice suprise for November. I went to my appt then to Panera bread for an IC caramel and a french toast bagel. I sat all by myself in a corner next to the window in the sun. I felt like a cat, curled up sunning myself alone. I went home and took a walk to wake back up. Did 1.5 miles in 30 minutes. I was so motivated that I cleaned my whole house and then got some relaxation time in before Tucker got home. Then decided to rake some leaves for him and his friends to jump in. I made a HUGE pile. They stood on his little picnic table and jumped in. I am now the coolest mom on the block. LOL!!! And Saturday morning I was the sorest mom on the block. With my herniated L5 disc I know better than to rake or shovel. I was sore but nothing stretching, ice and ibuprofen couldn't heal. But I won't be doing that again. Saturday we went to the grocery as a family ( I LOVE that). Then we had a lazy day. Kris came by with some CM stuff I ordered. Tucker and I had a craft day. It was very cold and rainy so no outside time! I got all my pics in chronological order and put away in a storage box. I felt so good - it's so organized now. I am scrapbook ready! Tucker and I colored, cut, pasted and just enjoyed each others company. I made dinner (don't ever put lemon zest in anything it completley ruins it)! Sunday was FABU! My bestest friend since I was 5 years old suprised me and showed up at church! She now lives in TN. (do you rember Angi Kris)?
My pastor came in my SS room and said your friend Angi is waiting for you in the hall. WOW!! So we had a great service. Then we went to El Dorado (the best mexican you'll ever eat) and had a great time catching up. She is getting divorced and will be moving back up here in the summer after her daughter graduates. I hate the circumstances but am thrilled she'll be close again. She is looking for a church and hopefully will be coming to Assembley of God. We both grew up in the Nazarene church and neither of us want to go to another one ever. So anyways, I feel this is definatley a God thing. I think she really really needs God in her life right now, and she struggles. She is amazing and needs to be surrounded by christians right now to help her get on her feet and keep her on track for Christ right now. I think she could very easily get sucked into the wrong crowd when she gets up here. She lost a son a few years ago to a very rare (like the 5th reported case EVER) disease. She now has another child with the disease. It's a rare gene that both she and her husband have. They had like a 1 in a million chance of having a child with the disease and now they've had two. But her daughter is doing fabulously. Angi is truly a special mom who will not take no for an answer. See her website for more info. She is working on her non-profit status and should have it by January. www.raresyndrome.org
She's truly an amazing person! What a great

AaAhhh!!! Now, don't be jealous but today is my Friday. Tomorrow is veteran's day and I have the day off. I so needed a 4 day week. This has been a week full of Monday's.
I have to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder tomorrow morning. So today I have to be on a fat free diet. When the nurse first said that I laughed (thought she was joking)! Then I saw her face and SHE WASN'T! I had to ask - is there such a thing? What can I eat?
So here I sit eating dry multi-grain cheerios. They only have 1g per cup. Today I'm meeting a friend at CRACKER BARRELL! I set this up weeks ago (this friend is very hard to pin down) so I don't want to cancel. So, I will sit and eat a salad while I watch others eat that amazing food! I have several apples to eat throughout the day and plain baked potatoe for supper (EYUCK)!
Tomorrow nothing to eat or drink until after the 10:30 test. I am pulling out of the dr parking lot and hanging a left and heading STRAIGHT to Panera bread for a french toast bagel and a iced caramel coffee! I really don't think they are going to find stones. I think I'm just full of gas and hot air! We already knew that. But seriously on Tuesday I was in so much pain I was doubled over. I had gas pains in my ribs, I could feel a gas bubble up in my shoulder, my sternum hurt to touch it. I was passing gas but getting no relief. So finally after two hours of feeling that way I went to the doc. I've been feeling gassy and nauseous since Sat morning. Weird! So I bet that's WAY more than you want to know! LOL!!!
So my knew attitude toward parenting is working! I'm not taking the things he does wrong personally anymore, I'm not yelling anymore. I just ask "did you do this" and he says "yes" and I explain why we don't do that, maybe do a little role play and say okay, this is your punishment and we move on. It's working. Except for the morning bus but Tim & I had a meeting with the principal & the guidance counsler yesterday and I think we have some things worked out to help him. I see the light at the end of this phase... what darkness will the next phase bring?! Oh I can only imagine. I do love motherhood, even with all the heartache, tears, anger, frustration and sleepless nights it's still the best choice I have ever made in my life. And I have to say... I sure do make 'purty babies! HAHAHA!!
* side note: friend just called- had to cancel kid is sick. So I get to eat cracker barrell next Wed instead. Oh this is shaping up to be a happy day!

Don't really have much to say. Marriage is the same, nothing has changed. I'm just going through the motions. My pastor gave me a list of some christian counslers and today I will be checking to see if they carry my insurance. I really feel seeing a christian counsler is important - I don't want a counsler telling me to leave my husband - when I really the need push to stay.
Anyway, I stayed home yesterday becuase Tucker was sick. He had a little 24 hours stomach flu. By yesterday afternoon he was fine. But I washed 4 sheet sets, 4 comforters, 4 sets of jammies and a load of towels from cleaning grape juice puke off of my new carpet.
Poor kid! I did get to finish my book (The Broker) it was good. It did leave a question unanswered but then again I may have missed the suggestion somewhere. If anyone's read it let me know. I have a question for ya.
So, it's Friday. I never made it to the gym this week (which totally sucks). So, I'm going to hit the treadmill today.
No plans for the weekend. Just another weekend.
Hope you have a good one whereever it takes you and whatever you do... be safe!