The pictures as promised... oh my poor cancer-looking baby!

Oh my gosh - I saw this link on Dooce website :http://www.nandahome.com/products.clocky.html
How freaking funny! My husband could use this because I swear he hits snooze for hours!
I find it totally annoying. But the clocky - how funny!!!

PS. I will post pics of Tucker and the lawnmower haircut and the now skinhead baby. I'll start calling him nazi in public and maybe peoples reactions will make him never ever do this again.
And oh yeah, this will definately get its very own page in a scrapbook!

It was 40 this morning when I left for work! We haven't felt 40 in weeks! I can't wait for this junk to melt - yes it's going to flood becuase of warm temps and rain but HEY bring on the flood! Better than snow and ice!
So, I had Joy Fellowship (my church ladies group) at my house last night. That was so much fun! It was called Girlfriends night and we drew questions and had to answer them so we all got to know each other alot better. It was really fun.
Then - my kid came home (he was down at the neighbors). He and his little friend decided to go into the bathroom (Tucker says it was his friends 8 yr old sisters idea) get the beard and mustache trimmer and SHAVE THEIR HEADS! Yep, a big ole stripe right down the middle of his head! So when he got home at 9:00 last night, I had to take him out in the garage to my little salon set up and get out the clippers and shave the rest of his head. I wanted to cry. He looks like a cancer patient! People are going to think I'm the worst mother letting my kid walk around bald. I swear kids!
Other than cleaning my house my weekend was uneventful. I did go to church Sunday (HAD to get out of the house). Then had play practice Sunday after church. So that was nice.
I got closet shelves and bins and Tim hung those up in Tucker's closet so we could get some more organization to his room. I spent 64 dollars on wire shelves and 4 cloth bins. But it was worth it, it looks really good and he liked it and it will keep his room just a little cleaner!
Well, happy early spring to ya'll!

Oh Lord help me please! ANOTHER 4-5" of snow today and I'm trapped in the house AGAIN! Will it ever stop?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Somebody in a plow please come get me outta here! I can't take 3 days trapped inside this house again!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was supposed to meet Kris for dinner tonight ... so much for that! Have I told you I hate snow?
Yeah? I thought so.

God makes such beauty! It looks like we are growing fields of crystal behind crystal fences. I tried to capture some of it but of course even digital cameras just don't do it justice. My county finally came off of level 3 (no one allowed on roads or you get arrested) and I am back to work today. I still don't feel real well but didn't want to stay home again either!

Here's a few pics from yesterday when we finally ventured out of the house to go to doctor appts.

Thought I'd post some photos of the ice storm we're in. So far I have at least 7" of ice on top of 4" of snow (not mention the snow that was already on the ground) and it's still falling. Thought I'd post these before I lose power!

It really is quite beautiful as long as you get to enjoy it from indoors!

Be safe and stay warm!

Good morning. It's early. And I'm sick yet again! This time I'm not sure if I should go to the DR or the Dentist? My lower gum on my right side is completely swollen and and bleeds if I touch it, under my jaw is sore to the touch and my glands are all swollen underneath and in my neck. I'm losing my voice and starting to get a cough. Soooo... is this a sinus infection that has settled in my gums or is there something in my gums thats caused an infection? Seeing as I floss almost everyday I can't fathom that its the latter. I know - like why am I sharing this information - you totally didn't need to know that! Sorry!
Weekend was good - uneventful. Cleaned house, babysat at the valentine banquet for church, laid around yesterday after church. That's it... it was very relaxing!
Hope you have a great week. I am really hoping that we don't get the storms they are calling for after midnight tonight. I am out of vacation time and will have to take LWOP if I don't come to work. UGH! I am SO over winter!
Oh also... Pat is feeling under the weather so let's keep her in our prayers!

This is for fun. Read through the comments below about your friend and then make sure you read the instructions at the bottom. Have fun!
1. What time is it? 8:04 am
2. Name Holli Christian Smith (among others)
3. What are you afraid of? Losing my child
4. What do you drive? 97 Buick somthing or other (it might even be a 92)
5. Have you ever seen a ghost? NO
6. Where were you born? Mt View Calif
7. Ever been to Alaska? No way
8. Ever used toilet paper decorating trees? Oh yes – ya’ll are missing out!
9. Croutons or Bacon bits? bacon bits croutons are too crunchy and hurt my mouth
10. Favorite day of the week? Friday or Saturday
11. Favorite restaurant? El Dorado I just can't get enough
12. Favorite Flower: black eyed susan
13. Favorite sport to watch: Football GO Cowboys!
14. Favorite drink? Mt Dew still although I very rarely drink it anymore
15 Favorite Ice cream? homemade
16. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney
17. Favorite fast food restaurant: geesh, I don't know Chipotle I guess. I don't eat fast food hardly ever
18. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige berber
19. How many times have you failed your driver's test? once
21. What do you do most often when you are bored? Tv – or read surf the net
22. Bedtime: 8:30-9:30 (I'm a bigger loser)
25. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? Everyone!
26. Favorite T.V. shows? Desperate Housewives Ellen
27. Ford or Chevy? Ford
28. what is your favorite color? Don't really have one anymore but right now I guess maybe chocolate
29. Do you have any pets? Nope but am looking into a guinea pig
30. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Most definitely the chicken, don't you know God created all animals and then they started reproducing!!!! I’m with Wendy and Ra
31. What would you like to accomplish before you die? Spoil my grandchildern, watch my child graduate and not in that order serve the Lord however He sees fit
32. What are your favorite birds? Birds kind of get on my nerves

Hola mi amigos! I thought I'd start with a little spanish since I'm desperately wishing I was in Mexico along the ocean somewhere! It is so darn cold and I've totally wimped out on going to the gym! I can't make myself face the cold!
I did walk a mile in the hallway of my bldg (round and round and round and round) Tuesday. Yesterday I wrestled a little with the kid, ran the vacuum, then wrestled with my husband (if you get my point) so I got some excercise in yesterday. Now Monday... totally sedentary!
I keep saying okay next week no matter what! But geesh I just can't stand that -15 degree wind chill whipping around my legs and hurts my lungs to breath it! If my husband is reading this he's saying" Excuses Excuses"! (hi honey)
So, I never have posted about the crop in detail. Well, I always thought a crop was more like a crafty home int. party. Like you got together to scrapbook while the host "sells" her product. Okay, so it's totally not that way. It really is a bunch of girls getting together to scrapbook, share ideas, share tools and just really enjoy each others companies and each others stories about the photographs! And who doesn't LOVE to tell the story about their pictures?!
She had goodie bags made up that had valentine day banners and borders and velum and stickers for scrapbooks, she had a candy bar and some chocolate valentine candy, she had ribbon and valentine brads in the bags. Now she handmade each bag cover. They were beautiful! She made us fettucini alfredo and chicken for dinner, we each brought a chocolate dessert plus she had chocolate covered strawberries, cherries, bananas, pretzels, angel food cake, mini marshmallows OH MY GOSH could there be more... OH yes! And handmade and iced heart shaped sugar cookies. Let me tell you this 25 yr old school teacher is the craftiest thing next to Martha! She would've made Martha proud! But I got my husbands scrapbook DONE yep for you scrappers I got a WHOLE book done! It contained his newspaper clippings & certificates of achievement and letters from kids etc. I got the cutest police stickers and such and it turned out great! I got two halloween pages done of Tucker. I learned a ton of tricks which include some stamping and "staining" and using the cricut machine. It was really fun! Can't wait for another!
I've been off work most of the week. Was out Monday had to leave early Tuesday and was out yesterday. So this week has flown by! HAHA. Not really, being trapped inside with a 6 yr old alone is really not all that fun. NOW yesterday! WHOA! What a great day. I wish everyday could be like yesterday. My husband is off on Wed. the weather was so bad I couldn't come to work (I have a long treacherous drive in the winter). So, Tucker and I worked on his model car that Uncle John bought him. (it was cute). He painted it and put the stickers on it and was so very proud. Then we played a couple of games. Tim got up and said okay bub get your clothes on... so I piled him into his snowsuit and the boys went out on the 4 wheeler in 5-7" of snow! They pushed each other down and generally had a blast. I took a shower, then Tuck came in while Tim shoveled everything. I then cleaned, Tim came in and cleaned and then he said let's go. We all piled into the car and went to a local pizza joint (SO GOOD) and rented movies.
I finally watched Little Miss Sunshine (so funny) and I'll watch Devil wears prada tonight.
I truly wish my husband worked 1st shift every evening could be spent together talking and playing games. Weekends off so we could run errands and go on dates. Man really yesterday was the best married day in a long long time. It makes me feel so very sad for all the days that are wasted being lonely.
But anywho... life is going along. I'm going to look tonight at possibly selling some stuff called Close to my Heart. It's stamping, card making and scrap booking stuff. Between me and Kris we'll have all you need! Lol!
I'm nervous about driving somewhere I've never been and going to a complete strangers house but I am excited about the possibilities that lay in front of me.
OH! Another thing... I met a lady named Bonnie at the crop I went too. She's new to my church and we really hit it off. Her husband is a truck driver and is also gone alot. We live fairly close (w/in 20-30 min). God is good and always provides what we need if we just wait for it!
So that catches you up on my life.
I wish I could write as witty as Dooce. She's hilarious! I caught her link from child lost page. Really if you haven't visited her site she's really satirical.

To all you horrible people who during the 50 degree days said " Oh we need a good freeze or the bugs are going to be horrible this summer" WELL I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY NOW!!!
It's Tuesday at 5:30pm. School let out early so I have began PMS and I am trapped ALONE in a house with a SIX year old boy who wants to play swords AGAIN! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Somebody save me please!!!!!!!!!!
We have at least 4" of snow at this point. It is about 12 degrees (that's warm compared the psat few days). Have I ever mentioned I was born in Mt View CALIFORNIA? Yeah, I am so not happy at this moment.
I wonder if I sent my kid out to play he'd get lost in the white out? Would I get in trouble for that?
YES, I am only kdding (sort of).
Enjoy your next few days. If you don't hear from me it's because I'm in a corner rocking with drool coming out my mouth and I'll be repeating no more play with mommy!

A quick note and I'll post in more detail later...
Today's crop OMG!!!!!! What a blast!!!! Best day ever!!! I learned so much!!! Kris girl - I'll have an order for ya!
God knew this day was much needed for my mental health. I also made a new friend... it really was the most fabulous fun day in years!
Hope you all also are having blessed weekends!

Happy Friday!!!!! Hip-hip-hooray!!!
I'm pretty excited. My kid is staying with a friend tonight and tomorrow night YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
And... tomorrow is my very first crop. It's a chocolate valentine crop from 12-8. She's making tons of chocolate desserts and fettucini alfredo for dinner. I am looking forward to learning so very much. Plus she got a cricut machine which I can't wait to use. She's a Creative Memories consultant (like Kris) but I went to Michael's today and spent $50 on a book and a TON of awesome stickers. I am going to put a scrapbook together of my husbands newspaper clippings and such from his job so I bought a bunch of cop stuff and I'm pretty sure CM doesn't have those.
Anyways, we are getting pretty hammered with the snow at this point. I sure hope we don't get more than the 1" they are predicting. Tomorrow temps are going to be like 14 degrees! Yeah, you can bet your sweet behind that I'll be snuggled up with my scrapbook eating LOTS of chocolate. I have eaten EXTREMLY clean today just so I can pig out tomorrow! (is that called bingeing)? Hope not.
Well, I hope you all have a fabulous weekend. I am going to make the best of this one. Sunday I am going to make myself some food and have a super bowl party for me, myself and I!
GO COLTS!!!!!! My prediction Colts 21-Bears 17

Wish I would've thought to write that!

It's Wednesday - a mundane week. Absolutely nothing happening. Get up go to work, go home, hang with the kid who's been pretty grouchy (still recovering from being sick), go to bed and do it all over again.
Although my husband is off tonight and tomorrow so I'm sure something will happen for me to blog about!
Our pastor did call us and he and his wife would like to counsel us if we'd let them. I think it's a fabulous idea however I'm not sure if I can get my husband to do it. We'll see.
I'm just not sure that we haven't crossed that point of no return. You know things are said and they can't ever be taken back. For example (and this is a stupid example) Tim has always told me that his dad is his beneficiary of his life ins. policy. Uh hello!? What am I supposed to do about your bills? Well, then if front of people he'll say it was a joke but then tell me again and again that it's true. SO at this point I have NO idea what to believe, I would have to see the paperwork to truly believe anything he said about it from this point. See what I mean - stupid... so now make that into something serious or something deragatory about me. I just don't know that I can ever move on or get past some things that have been said even if they were in anger. I don't know, I guess that's what counseling is for right?

It's Monday and it's down right, no one should have to be out cold! It was 12 when I left the house this morning. 12 man that's so inhumane!
But anyways, we (I) had Tucker's birthday party Saturday. It was GREAT FUN! He really had a blast and the best part (for me anyway) was the silly string fight in the garage. I think we used like 10 cans of silly string between 4 people. The boys LOVED it! It was a huge success and I am so glad that only 4 boys came out of the 8. The cake is out of my house and the cupcakes are out of my house and I am SO glad that it's all gone!
HOWEVER, even with all the cake I have lost 3 lbs. 1 lb a week is the average. That is a very safe way that would put me at my goal by the end of June... bikini season! I feel good about myself, I feel confident, I feel physically very strong. For the first time in a long time I feel good about how I look. I've only lost 3 lbs but I don't know about inches. My clothes are fitting better and I'm looking slimmer.
My marriage is being attacked yet again. I won't bore you with the gory details. I'm not sure in which direction this is going to go yet. I'm just going to remain prayerful. My friend here at work and I prayed together last night and got together today and prayed for our husbands. I believe in the power of God. Whether my marriage stays together or not I will trust the Lord.
Here's to a quiet and peaceful week to you all (I pray)!

I really don't have much to say today. We had Tucker's "old people party" as he called it. The grandparents came over for cake and ice cream. I wanted to have a seperate party for them because when his friends are around the grandparents don't get any attention at all!
I do love Tim's dad! Tim broke the news about his 'supposed' daughter. His dad was madder than all get out! He told Tim to leave it alone, leave it in the past and don't ruin the family you've got now and how that woman was a nothing but trash and a troublemaker and how she just about ruined Tim's life before and how she would destroy this family and on and on.
Aaaahhh... THANKS DAD!
Actually, Tim was supposed to call her last night and he did not. She wouldn't agree to the test so I guess that's that (for now). I'm sure it'll come up again in 6 months to a year and I need to be very careful not to get comfortable with the idea of her not being around.
Tim and his mom brought up something that NEVER crossed my mind. How the first time that little girl came home with a bruise she'd have us investigated for abuse and so forth. I guess she's that crazy (from what Tim's family says). I said OH! I never thought of that... oh yeah, that's not happening here in my reality. This is my life and no one AND I MEAN NO ONE will destroy what God has built and brought together. So perhaps this child is not meant to be. I've looked at it as God was trying to bring her into our life...but maybe I was looking at it wrong. Perhaps the enemy is trying to bring her in our lives to destroy us and God is protecting us by making it not possible each time. I mean each time, we've been willing but we are met with oppostion from the mothers side. I trust my God.
Have a wonderful and blessed weekend.

http://www.thingsmyboyfriendsays.com/

A site I just ran across through several different blogs. OMG - this had tears down my cheeks and my gut hurts from laughing!
Definately a site I'm gonna keep checking in on!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe you are six years old. How did that happen? How did you go from the 20" baby in my arms to the boy who comes to my chest in a blink?
You are the coolest kid I know. You have loads and loads of energy and you are a wild wild boy! I wouldn't want you any other way!! When I was pregnant with you I said I wanted a mischevious, jock, bully of a boy. And WOW did I get it! You are all boy and you are so fun!
I went into the hospital with you on a Tuesday the 23rd. My water broke after a VERY long day at 4:30 on the 24th. You were finally born at 7:27am on the 25th! I had two nurses both with their knees on and in my stomach, Aunt Holly pulling on one knee, Aunt Mindy pulling on the other knee, Mimi pushing on one shoulder, Nae pushing on the other shoulder and FINALLY got you out. If delivery is a sign of the child man I should've seen the stubborn streak coming! You have one 5 miles long!
Your eyes are the neatest most expressive eyes. They sparkle when you are happy and I swear I literally see sparks in them when you are about to do something rotten. They turn dark and brooding when you are angry.
You will never know how you saved my life! Once I had you, I realized I had a little soul that I was responsible for. Because of you, I came back home to the Lord. I will forever be grateful for you.
I love that I am still your favorite playmate. I am going to bask in it for as long as you will let me. I love you Tucker Kian, you complete me!
I can't wait to see you grow, and see what you learn this next year.
This year from 5-6 I saw:
You learn to swim on your own, your first sleepover, your first day of school, your first bus ride, your first T-ball team, first soccer team, first basketball team, your first best friend, you learned to ride a bike, you grew like 4 inches, you learned how to ride a 4 wheeler (and how to wreck one haha) you learned how to control your impulses, how to have empathy for others, how to sound out words, how to add and subtract and so so much more. What an amazing year it's been!
Mommy loves you baby!

The snow is melting YEAH! Tucker wasn't very happy because he didn't get to make a snowman. I know I'm a bad mommy because I wouldn't play in the snow with him. I'm comfortable with that. LOL!!
I put Tucker to bed at 8:15 last night, laid down to snuggle with him for about 5 min like I usually do and woke up 30 minutes later! So, I got up went to my bed and was right back out. Apparently we were tired!
So, my kid took a pair of dracula teeth from halloween ripped the bottom off, and came out with just the top ones on, arms crossed saying "So, how do you like me now"? HYSTERICAL! He has just watched Just Jordan on Disney so he was pretending those were his grill. OH FUNNY! My kid thinks he is soooo cool (which to me of course he is) but you can't help but laugh when he tries to dance (poor little white boy) and act like a rapper and he does this strut when he walks when he's trying to be cool that'll have you falling out of your seat!
I swear I love the phase we're in right now. He is so much fun!I try to enjoy everyday while it lasts. I know I'll blink and he'll be a teenager who thinks I'm the most uncool person in the world. I dread those days!
This is going to be a busy week. I had a chiropractor appt last night, tonight is Tucker's teams last basketball game (he can't play due to the mono) but I want to go and cheer them on. Tomorrow is church, Thursday I'm leaving early to take cupcakes for Tucker's b-day to school, then go home and bake a cake for the grandparents to come over, Friday clean my house after work, Sat is his b-day party 8 boys and my husband will be at work. I don't know what I was thinking. However, I haven't heard from anyone so I don't know that anyone is coming... he will be DEVASTATED! Sunday I'm coloring a friends hair. So, busy busy busy. But I like being busy!
For my gym friends: got to www.ellentv.com and down at the bottom click on Bob Harper. There is some good information there. I LOVE him!!! I wish I could afford to fly him here so he could be my personal trainer. He is such a great motivator. However, I must say, I am doing a very good job of motivating myself lately. God truly placed in me a new found strength and motivation when it comes to food and the gym. I knew I'd be having cake Thursday so I passed on a piece yesterday. CAKE IS MY DOWNFALL! And I passed it and never gave it another thought. YES! SUCCESS is at hand! :-) Another great site is http://exercise.about.com/library/blworkoutcenter2.htm it has a TON of excercises you can do. I've also been recording a few cardio shows on the DVR from fittv so I can do them when I get home. So I do my weights and knees (PT) at the gym and my cardio at home. I had a guy come up to me at the gym yesterday and ask so, how much you trying to lose? I said I'd like to lose 20. He said don't lose to much you look great now and he walked away. OH YEAH BABY!! I'M HOT!! NOOOOOOOTTTT!!!!! I'm totally cracking up right now. Hey, it boosted me for a few minutes I'll admit. Made me suck in my gut just a little bit more. LOL!
Hey - you all have a great day. 1 down 4 to go. And Neice are you out there? I want to know that you are doing okay!

I hate the weekends. They are so lonely!

My husband doesn't get up, I don't have any friends close by so I sit here all day Saturday and all day Sunday. I didn't go to church today because I didn't want to get out into the snow. Tim didn't get up until 12:00 or 12:30 (granted he worked 3rd Friday and had to be back up at 12:30 Sat to go back into work). Still I hate sitting here w/ no one to talk to.

It makes me want to smoke. Smoking gave me something to do. I had a purpose for getting off of the couch. I know sounds ridiculous!

The only time I've been out of the house this weekend was to grocery shop yesterday morning about 7 am.

I hate snow, I hate cold and I dread getting out in it tomorrow morning. I wish I were a bear. I'd like to sleep through winter and there's a few people I'd like to eat right about now! LOL!!!

Here's a pic of my baby making a snow angel!

Ohhh this is all so Jerry Springer! I can't believe my life has turned into a Maury Povich show!
So, my husband called his ex girlfriend to see what she had to say about what we proposed last Thursday (regarding paternity test). Now I know why he called her psycho-slut all these years!
She said no, she doesn't want a paternity test done right now. She said I'm not saying we won't do it down the road just not right now. I said why would we waste our time with this child to find out that she isn't Tim's?! Waste was the wrong term she got pissed and my daughter is not a waste of time (huf huf huf)... well guess what sweetie YES SHE IS IF SHE ISN'T HIS DAUGHTER!!!! Just because you love her doesn't mean everyone wants to love her. What a freaking idiot! She said she spoke to her attorney and he said since she's not asking us for any money or anything at all other than spend time with this little girl that a test wasn't needed. (uh, hey, did you tell your attorney that you sat in a court of law and said you didn't know who the father was - gee I bet you left that part out DUH)! And get this! She even told my husband she knew and understood where I was coming from because her soon to be ex husband had went through this and had some ex saying her kid was his. They did a paternity test and found out it wasn't his! She said she wouldn't be "putting her daughter through this" if she wasn't 100% sure. Well, it's not fair for her to walk around 100% sure, Tim to walk around 80% sure and me walk around 50% sure! No, we all need to be on the same page. I explained that it was a home kit, that it would not stand up in the court of law, that she the mother would take a q-tip and rub it in the childs mouth and put it in an envelope and mail it off. That's it, no drama. I prefer no drama in my life! I can't handle all of this drama. So when we hung up the phone I said that's it - we're done. No more. My husband of course is willing to play whatever BS game she's wanting to play. If this is a control thing - she'll lose. See, I have total control of myself. I have the control to get up and walk away - period. I don't play games. So Tim says she wants us all to sit down together and talk w/o the little girl. I said why?! There is nothing to talk about. I don't care about your past with her, I don't care who did what to who, I don't want to or need to know. She needs to know that you want to spend as much time as possible with your daughter and we need to know before we invest our hearts, gas, time, money on gifts, setting up a college fund, IF she is indeed your daughter! DUH! Quit being a fool dude! He keeps saying "she has my eyes". Guess what,? Everyone thinks Tucker is your son - why - because he has your eyes! That doesn't mean crap to me! I want to see it on paper. Now because I'm trying to be a christian about this and I'm trying to be the supportive wife (he makes it SOOOOOO hard, harder than he'll ever know) I might (GREAT BIG MIGHT) meet with this crazy, psycho, piece of crap for a mother woman and let Tim make a fool of himself some more while he begs and pleads to spend time with this girl. I told him - we will not SEE, TOUCH, SMELL, TALK TO this child till this test is done. Then I said, I'll tell ya what, we'll all meet up you take her potty and you swab her mouth and the mother doesn't have to know anything about it! He didn't go for that idea - BECAUSE HE'S A FOOL!!!! I swear, I went to bed heart pounding, muscles so tight they ache today, my head was throbbing and I couldn't sleep. I am sooooo tired of this going on and on and on.
Tim doesn't understand why I am so dead set against this. Oh here let me explain
Me: Hey Tucker let me talk to you. You know that little sister you've wanted. Well 5 years later here she is.
TK: Who is she, is she in your tummy, how'd you get her?
ME: Your dad slept with a whore right before we met and he got her prego. She wouldn't let him see her all these years
TK: WOW - cool
several months later after he's growing attached she finally says lets have this test done
ME: Oh sorry, we lied
TK: WHAT you mean she isn't my sister now
ME: Yep, you never get to see her again. She's not daddy's little girl after all, she's someone else's.
I'm sorry that is all so warped!!!!!!!! I can't believe this is my life! I never in a million years thought I'd be wrapped in this kind of drama. This is so white, trailer trash! I mean really, I can't get over the shock. This makes my stomach turn.
I had to pray (I mean PRAY) last night when talking to her and when he was talking to her to remain calm. I had to pray to get to sleep. I'm praying now to remain calm. I praise God for his wonderful world and I praise him that this is not personally my drama but my husband's. I praise him that my child has no other "parent" to pop up in his life. I praise God that He is helping me use restraint and that He is trying so very hard to fill me with peace. I know and trust Him for this isane situation to be worked out according to His will. Please be in prayer for me family. Thanks and happy Friday!

Aaaah, Thursday, almost Friday... I think I'm gonna make it!
Tucker is back to school and mostly recovered (thanks be to God)! I am so glad that this didn't drag on for 4 weeks!
I had to go to the chiropractor yesterday and I had a severe kink inbetween my shoulder blades and into my neck. I wasn't able to turn to the left. I called my husband and said please you have to go with me, I'm petrified. You see, I haven't been to a chiropractor in over a year. I was going, for two years. I had severe back problems, I was in horrible pain. It only got worse over the two years. I finally got tired of going twice a month or more. Went to physical therapy where I ended up in even more pain. The worst pain I've ever been in in my life! So finally an MRI was done and I was sent to an orthopedic surgeon. I had a herniated disc (L5) and something (I don't remember what they called it) in my L4 and something in my SI joint. So... what I have is inoperable. So we did a set of 3 steroid injections. Something I don't ever wish on my worst enemy but they helped! Which most people say they don't but they did help me but I truly believe it was the prayer and the laying of hands that brought my healing from God. So anyways... back to my story... that is why I'm terrified. It has taken me a year to get my back to the point that I can run again and lift fairly heavy weights when working out and I don't ever ever want to be in that place again. So he did adjust my mid back and neck and I feel so much better today. I do have to go back Friday so he can finish my neck but that'll be that. I will not fall into the trap of going all the time. And I don't care if he says it's okay to adjust my lower back, I say no it's not! It will adjust itself naturally with excercise and stretching.
But the point of my story (I'm having trouble focusing today) is that my husband went with me and gave me support. We finally got home at 6:00 and ordered pizza and we actually got to sit at the table and eat as a family. We spent time together. He gave Tuck a bath for me so I could relax and rest my neck with ice. It was great evening. It's been a great couple of days. The Lord is still working on me and filling me with a renewed sense of love for my husband and I praise Him for it. I am truly filled with the joy of the Lord. I head today that those of us that suffer here on earth will be rewarded in heaven for those sufferings. So we are to rejoice through our sufferings because with each sorrow Jesus is building our mansion. Isn't that a wonderful way to look at our sorrows and sufferings? I pray for each of you today, Neicey I pray for you and for peace and for the ability to no longer live in fear, and for your protection. Kris, I pray for your new found motivation and for healing in your body. Pat, I pray for continued success and joy and for peace in your busy house and healing in your shoulder. I also pray your faith in the Lord will be restored. Emmie, I pray that I can learn from your posts about friendship! Thanks to you all. Have a truly blessed day!

Good morning! Yesterday was a holiday for me and it was needed. Tucker has recovered nicely (and quickly) from the strep and mono thanks to prayer. He was wound for sound yesterday and we were both sick of staying inside! We ran to Burger King and had lunch yesterday, it was his first time eating there. I'm not sure he was impressed but he just HAAAAAd to have a football king bobblehead. WHAT-EVER! I didn't care it got us out of the house.
I hope he does well in school today. I don't know if it's just my kid or what but he gets aggressive and a tad grouchy when he's healing. I am praying he has a great day in school. I'm also anxious to see if (due to mono) he's wiped out when he gets home.
So that's my weekend... sat around with a sick kid. I did get to run to church Sunday morning because I had nursery duty so my hubby stayed w/ Tk. (by the way... TK is for Tucker Kian)
I am glad to be back to work (I know weird). I couldn't take one more day couped in the house with no adult conversation!!
Hope you all had happy Monday's and have an even better Tuesday!

Oh I am sOoooooooOOOOO bored!!
My kid has been diagnosed with Mono. I have been couped in this prison er I mean house for a week with a sick kid (with the exception of work but that doesn't count as it's a prison of it's own)!
He's dying to play with someone, he misses his friends, he misses school and he's starting to get some of his energy back and he's driving me crazy! But he's still so sick that he wakes me up at least 3-4 times a night crying because his throat hurts. Poor kid! Poor mom! LOL!
I was supposed to color a friends hair today but had to cancel I don't want to infect anyone else with strep throat and mono. Although he's been on antibiotics long enough that strep isn't contagious anymore.
So doctors and dosing meds is all I've done for days. The highlight of my day was cleaning house... woo-hoo! Oh wait... me and the hubby did steal a few minutes to ourselves w/o Tucker.
So, he's had the TV on Disney channel ALLLLLLL stinkin' day. So, I came in here and decided to catch up on the videos and music that ya'll have on your sites since I can't do it at work. Oh Ellie... thank you soooo much for introducing me to Chantel! WOW! Leaving on a Jet Plane by her is my new hit! It's going to my mp3 like now! And Wild Horses live! Man she's awesome! I'm always looking for a good somewhat unknown artist!
Wish I was leaving on a jet plane headed to Montanna to see my sister who will also love Chantel.
Rain - that's all we've had for days. Beats snow, but man, it's hard to fight off the blues!
The Lord has blessed me and I shouldn't be complaining. I'm gratelful it's only mono and not some viscous form of lukemia! I'm grateful I got two minutes with my husband rather than be a widow of a slain officer. I'm grateful it's raining and I've not lost a loved one in an avalanche. I give the Lord praise! He really has renewed my spirit. I hit a season of sorrow and negativity. That's not me, I'm a bubbly person. I've prayed for Him to make me, me again and He's answered . I took my troubles to the Lord, I cried out to Him and he answered my prayer Psalm 120:1.
I had a guy tell me once I reminded him of a can of shaken coke. If you opened me I'd explode everywhere I was so bubbly. My husband once told me one thing he loved about me was he could depend on my mood, I was always even, always had a smile. Well, I hit a season of depression or negativity but I'm back now. Stronger and better than ever because of God. I'll hit another season again when He's ready to move me to yet another level. Next time I hope I can praise Him through it.
Hope you are having a happy and HEALTHY weekend!

I am leaping today! Leaping in the joy of the Lord!!! He has heard my cry and has answered!!
Last night my husband and I talked and I mean talked, no sarcasm, no raised voices, no defensiveness. Just open and honest. He called the mother of his little girl and I stood there and listened. GOD TOUCHED MY HEART! I mean it, I felt it right there I felt the physical healing! While he talked with her I was calm, I wasn't emotional, I didn't cry, I was level headed. God is so good! I did have to walk out when he started talking about how she had his eyes. That part still rips my heart out but God isn't through with me yet! ( I always dream of what our little girl would like and she has his eyes so this is hard for me). We have given the mother a week to think about paternity tests. It did sound as though she would agree to it. She did say if we do this she wants to know that we are committed to building a relationship with this girl not just for two months. I am going to keep praying to God, to help me love not only to this little girl but to show love and kindess to her mother as well. Not to be resentful that she has made life hard on all of us by keeping her from him for the first 5 yrs of her life. I need God to fill my heart with compassion. I praise Him and give Him glory today for he has already started the healing process and filling me with love! THANK YOU FATHER!!!

Oh Lord hear my cry! Renew in me a clean heart and a loving heart!
Please restore the love in my heart where there is hardness.
Please restore peace where there is discontent
Father I want desperately to do Your will Father I do - it's so hard for me to give up control.
To turn my back to my own feelings and thoughts ,it's so much easier to turn my back on You but I know in the end that's the hard way! I know Your way is perfect oh Lord!
Please make my heart leap with love again! Restore my marriage, restore my love, restore our friendship with each other. Lord I cry out to you today praying that You will give me strength, vitality and boldness in You. I know you hear me Lord God! You promised, ask and you will receive, have the faith of a mustard seed and you will move a mountain. Well I'm holding You to it Father. I believe and trust in You and Your ways and Your will!
I give you thanks for the answer to these things for I know that they will be done according to Your will!!
Praise Your Holy Name!!!
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and comments!

Now let me say... whenever you take over the counter medication be sure to read the label, the directions, the total count of how many is in the box. So I bought (I can't believe I'm going to share this most embarrasing story with you all - however you all could use a good laugh might as well be at my expense!) - an off brand laxative. Never used one before. But I've been in pain for a week and nothing natural was working. So I bought a box of the chocolate stuff. I thought oh how yummy and a great excuse to eat chocolate! So, I get home and read it should take 6-12 hrs to kick in so I figure out the timing and think oh cool, I can take it now. So, it says to take 1-2 squares. So I open the box and tilt it foward into my hand and one foil pack falls into my palm. I open and the back side is facing me so I pop that square into my mouth. Well! Three hours later it's working already - I have stomach cramps and I'm thinking how do anorexics stand this stuff! So, while sitting there bored I read the package... it says there is 18 in there. I think to myself wow, how do they get 18 of those foil packs into that little... Oh my God, please tell me I didn't! I open it up and there is only 1 foil pack in the box! I open it up turn it over and there it is... 9 little tiny pill size pieces that you are supposed to break off of the SQUARE I ate! So yep, I did, I took 9 count 'em 9 ladies... 9 little pill sized pieces equal in my eyes 1 square. So needless to say... I'm a little crampy today and won't be at my desk much!
I was home yesterday as little man has strep throat and I believe I might also so I will be taking a trip to the dr today to have that checked out.
Really, is 2007 over yet?

Well, I already want to go to bed and sleep through 2007. The peace and bliss didn't last long. I was hoping for at least two good weeks but nooooooo that will never happen.
Well, let me start at the beginning for ya! Right before we moved and I started blogging we went through a situation. Tim has a supposed child out in the world. He told me about her when we first got together and that she may be his. There was a restraining order in place so he couldn't find out if it was or not for two years. Then the two years ended and we decided it'd be best to stay away and keep the drama from the crazy mother out of our lives. (she came up on us once during the restraining order beeping her horn and getting up on the bumper and crazy stuff trying to get Tim in trouble). Ridiculous! So, I go on with my blissful dream of the all american family and where we were going and the baby I want to have and so on (my mistake apparently). Then the cop thing comes up... you all know that major disappointment. Then he decides to tell me he doesn't want any kids (after he told me he did).... I think he'll change his mind or it's a fear thing... so now all my reasons for marrying him are going down the tube. Not to mention he's a very hard person. Can be very mean in what he thinks is joking. I try to overlook it. Well, back last winter he decides he wants to know if the kid is his or not. I said let it go. He sends a cop to the house to ask if he can contact them. Well, they moved. He finds out they moved to Indy. Good riddens I said! I thought it was done. Then in the spring he saw a truck for the company they worked for and he said I'm calling to see if I can find her. Well, I really thought he wouldn't. He's said that before and talked and never done anything with it. And again, I really didn't think she was his - the mother said in court she didn't know who the father was. She was cheating on Tim with a black guy and we heard that baby had red hair so I've never seen a red-headed korean before so I really thought she wasn't Tims. So, he contacts this chick in indy and calls me at work and tell me to stay by the phone. Well, my heart dropped to my stomach and I became a nervous wreck. He calls back and said she says she's mine. She has to talk to her husband before we can set anything up. So, the husband and the man who's raised this little girl says nope no way. Tim said he was done with it all and he tried and that was it it was done. Now, Tim has legal rights if he wanted but we don't have the money for that kind of stuff. I threw a fit and dind't want anything to do with it or her and rejoiced when Tim said he washed his hands of it all. I know! Yes he's raising my kid, the kid he already knew about and agreed to raise. God really tried to deal with me over it back then but I was not having anything to do with it. Feelings of rage and jealousy that I didn't know existed came surging forth!
So, he comes home Sat night and says get up we gotta talk. I get up and he says your going to be mad (I'm thinking it has to do with work). He says the mom called him at the sheriff office and said I am in your town right now and if you want to see her meet me. He said I thought I couldn't and she said the stepdad was out of the picture and had been for 6 months. They split up right after the convo with Tim. She didn't think it was right the way he treated TIm on the phone (whatever she gets a concious now?) Well my dumbass husband goes! Meets her in the parking lot of the sheriff office to see this girl that he's now convinced is his even though she has red hair and blue eyes. (ever seen a blue eyed korean - yeah me either). Anyways, I'm furious! My nerves are so shot I was shaking like a leaf. Now, God is trying to deal with me again and I'm trying I am REALLY TRYING to let Him. Really!
Here are my feelings on it:
First I'm furious he didn't say yes I want to see her but can't do that w/o my wife. Let's set up a time and place to meet in a week. He'd have my bags packed and my teeth would be in my throat if I had made the desicion he made. I mean didn't he ask himself on his way to meet her would I want Holli to do this is Holli going to be mad? And here's the kicker... he didn't call me on the phone on the way there either. He had time to call me after he talked to her and on his way to meet her.
I did after prayer figure out where my jealousy towards this little girl comes from: he's going to dote on her, talk so sweet to her, buy her gifts (which yes he should every child should have that) but he can't be sweet to me! I can't watch him be so sweet and loving to someone else when I'm STARVING for it! And I will also be reminded everytime I have to look at her of what he has taken away from me, what he has denied me the opportunity of having a little girl or boy that's his child.
Now, he says... we're in this together or not at all whatever you want is what I'll do. OH PLEASE! I must have stupid tattooed on my forehead! He said that about his freaking job too. I won't let this job tear us apart... yet he's working 2nd shift and tearing us apart and he doesn't give a shit. So BASICALLY - what his words mean are Whatever you want Holli as long as I get my way and what you want is what I want.
Now, the last time we went through this 6 mths ago - he said it was done. I knew how I felt and where I stood I was totally against it all! So why if it's what I want would he even go see her and begin this crap all over again? If it's what I wanted he would've told the bitch no I don't want to see her don't ever call me again.
Yes, I am the wicked step-mother. Call me evil whatever. I feel how I feel. I can't help it and I'm trying really I am doing much better this time.
So, he's already asking for pix to send to her. I said NOPE NO WAY NO HOW we are not doing anything I MEAN NOTHING until a paternity test is done. When I have that proof then we'll talk. I feel so psychotic right now. Very Dr Heckyl/Hyde. I think okay, love this little girl, take her in and be kind to her like a good christian would do. Then Heckyl takes over and I think she can't stay with us she has no where to sleep. She can't have the spare room! If my wanted baby can't have that room then his baby can't have that room (it has his antiques and he says if I got pregnant he wouldn't move them that it wouldn't be a nursery)! I am so conflicted. I pray pray pray that she isn't his and we can all move on!
Now, sitting in church yesterday we sang a song that we haven't sung since that last time I was in this situation. Words: you placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name!
So I ask myself - who am I to question God's plans? He did place them all in the sky - He's in control. At the time I also prayed a prayer that God would pour his blessing onto us and that we would be open and accepting of them. Well I haven't prayed that prayer since, until the new year! Then I prayed it again, and we sang that song Sunday morning and here I am. God is talking to me, actually he's shouting at me. Trying to get through my thick head.
Tim did ask the mother what she wanted and she said nothing, she said she didn't need his child support. (lets hope that lasts).
So, here are my evil tempations: 1.) to tell him to forget she even exits 2.) to tell him that when I get pregnant THEN and ONLY then can he establish a relationship with her 3.) stop taking the pill and get pregnant now (which I have threatend to do anyway) 4.) just say forget it all and get divorced because I'm tired of all his turmoil and drama that he has brought to this relationship.
So there it is... where's my blanket and don't wake me until 2008.
and yes, so you know, I do hear myself, I know what's right and wrong, I know that those temptations don't solve anything and only make matters worse.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It got off to a great start. We went shopping as a family, Tucker got to take his first escalator ride. We went out to eat for a great late lunch/early dinner. Went home the boys took naps. We went to see a night at the musuem which a was great movie. Then we we went to the church where we ate and ate and played the silliest games and had SO much fun! We prayed the new year in and 12:01 we say happy new year cleaned up and went home. Tucker stayed up wasn't a grump in fact he was great and had a great time playing with the couple of other kids that were there. I have to say this is the best start to a new year that we've had together yet as a family. This will be the year of our 4th wedding anniv. Seems like 20! I don't really mean that in a mean way either (I think). :-)
New years day - we layed around in our jammies all day. We had enough running around and seeing people. So we did nothing!! YEAH!!
I am glad though that the holidays are over. It was fun while they lasted but I really need to return to normal life.
Of course my resolutions are weight and working out. I want to get to my goal of 145 lbs. I also made the resolution to get a daily bible study and stay with one all year long. I don't have the patience to sit and read the bible from beginning to end so this will be my way of doing it.
I pray that your resolutions were attainable and that you find the motivation to follow through with them!

And a VERY MERRY CHRISTmas it was!!
We had a great weekend. We enjoyed our time together. Tim was very disappointed in TK's reaction to the 4-wheeler. We piled is gifts on and around it. He said WOW COOL - A... basketball! (Tim and I looked at each other like wha'?) So then we said what is the basketball sitting on?! He said very nonchalantly a 4-wheeler. He did get excited about it once he opened the helmet. They were out at 7:50AM (yep AM) riding it Christmas morning. I'm sure the neighbors were real happy! Oh well - it only comes once a year!
I did think of my wonderful friends I've made here and prayed that each of you were having a magical and blessed Christmas morning too!
I took yesterday off from work and went to the outlet mall. They have the BEST deals the day after and apparantly everyone is shopped out because the place is DEAD! I LOVE IT! I took Tucker with me because Tim isn't feeling well. I wasn't very thrilled about taking him shopping and trying on clothes etc HOWEVER he was the BEST ANGEL ever and we ended up having a TOTAL blast!!!! We went to have lunch after a couple of hours of shopping (and I never not even once had to yell at him - a 5 yr old boy shopping for womens clothes)! When we got done eating he announced to everyone outside... with hands raised in the air "This is the best day ever, I love this day, I love my mom, I love my dad"! WOW! I'm taking him shopping more often! LOL! Nah, better not press my luck!
Well, I hope you all have found your way out of the mounds of wrapping paper, ribbons and bows! Pat, I truly prayed that this Christmas was your best yet and that you were able to enjoy Josh and his brothers!

As a woman who's dealt with two grandmothers with Alzheimer's and see the beginnings in a parent (and won't doubt if I see it in my mother also) this song hit me.
I cried as I miss my grandmother's so very much. My paternal grandmother Grandma Catherine Igo - I remember when I was 17 and she was telling me about how her and Grandpa were going to get married - holding her skirt just like a girl... I completley get this song:
Ellsworth:
Grandma burned the biscuits
nearly took the house down with it
now she's in assisted livin
we all knew this day would come
we knew she too gone to drive
the day she parked on I-65
found her on the shoulder cryin
she didn't know where she was
it's like her mind just quit
oh but bring up grandpa
it's like someone flipped a switch
a front porch light and blue desoto
couple of straws in a coca-cola
you could see it all goin down
a handsome boy in army green
a tear on his face down on a knee
shaky voice a diamond ring
she'll put you in that town
tomorrow she won't remember
what she did today
But just ask her about Ellsworth
Kansas 1948
She takes out his medals
a cigar box of letters
sits and scatters pictures
black and whites of days gone by
we started losin her when
she lost him
but to hear her carry on
you'd swear she's seventeen again
Football games and leaves
are cracklin
walking her home in his letter jacket
you could see it all goin down
a perfect night on a front porch glider
sayin goodnight for the next three hours
her tired eyes grow wide and bright
when she talks about that town
tomorrow she won't remember
what she did today
but just ask her about Ellsworth
Kansas 1948
while the world is fading
all around her
sharin a sundae at the counter
he goin on and on about her
bet she's right there right now
tomorrow she won't remember
what she did today
but just ask her about ellsworth
Kansas 1948

A post for Neicy (and really all of you strong women who've been here for me).

I got my birthday present last night from my husband (don't ask). I got the Rascal Flatts CD I've been wanting. Well the very 1st song is STAND. As I read the words I thought of myself and how I handle things and then I thought of Neicy because she is so right here in the middle of this song right now - so here's for you woman!
STAND:
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
just like a picture with a broken frame
alone and helpless
like you've lost your fight
but you'll be alright you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
you taste what your made of
you might bend til you break
cause it's all you can take
on your knees you look up
decide you've had enough
you get mad, you get strong
wipe your hands, shake it off
then you stand, then you stand
life's like anovel with the end ripped out
the edge of a canyon with only one way down
take what you're given
before it's gone
and start holdin' on start holdin' on
every time you get up
and get back in the race
one more small piece of you
starts to fall into place
YEAH
So, that's going to be one of my top favs for awhile. God loves ya Neice, and I love ya, and you are going to get up dust yourself off and STAND PROUD! YOU GO GIRL!

Tucker had basketball practice last night. I swear if you want a good laugh go to your local YMCA and watch 5 & 6 year olds play basketball. FUNNY!
I'm going to buy stocking stuffers today and then I can call ALL DONE! I talked to a woman this morning and she said she was going out at lunch today to START! I said START? OH MY! I'd be a panicked mess. I am such a control freak. I can't stand to feel like things are spinning out of control. So anyways, I have things wrapped and under the tree and some wrapped things are hidden that way it looks like alot Christmas morning. Not that Tucker will notice w/ a 4 wheeler sitting in the living room floor! HEY! Let me take a poll: Ya' know Santa doesn't wrap things in my house...however... I was thinking about covering the 4 wheeler with a sheet w/ a big bow on it... and saving it for last... like working up to it and letting the anticipation build and let that be the big BANG! Or should I just leave it unwrapped and let that be the 1st thing he sees? Let me know what you think.
Ah, we are half way through this week! SHEW!

So as Kris so kindly pointed out (just kidding Kris) yesterday was my birthday. I had a great weekend. My friends from here at work and I went to the Funnybone comedy club Friday night and saw Christian Finnegan. He was SO very funny! We had a great time. Saturday Tucker had b-ball game and I did another head of hair (which turned out FABU). Then I took my dad out for dinner to my favorite mexican resturant (El Dorado) for his birthday dinner (his is the 12th). Then Sunday was church and went to moms for dinner (mexican) :-) and birthday cake. I was born in Mt View California. My parents lived in San Jose and there was a mexican family that lived next door. My mom got some amazing recipes from them and so every b-day I ask her to make them. So yummy! I do feel a bit like I am living in Calif. right now. The weather here as been so fabulous. I can remember having a b-day party outside when I was 4. Dad told me the other day we went swimming one year for Christmas. There was a community pool across the street from our house. Man! I can handle a green Christmas! Yesterday I didn't do anything special. I worked, did some shopping and went home. My hubby and I haven't spoken a word to each in almost a week now. So he of course did nothing for my b-day. Which isn't unusual even when we're getting along he's usually a week late! Our 1st wedding anniv I didn't get anything for like a month. And that's only because I cried!
My heart hurts but I'm in prayer, trying to stay postive. Tucker doesn't have a clue that anything is wrong so that's good! He said yessterday morning (as we were waiting for the daycare teacher to show up) I miss my daddy. I wish he worked 3rd shift and not 2nd shift (I swear he said it) he said I want my daddy home at night with me to play.
Now let me tell you - it took all that I had to not cry! I said I understand buddy, mommy misses him too very much. That's all I could say. Now see, now he's hurting my kid with this stupid job. Can anyone out there in blogger world explain the need to me to play cops and robbers? I mean you aren't accomlishing anything. The stupid judge lets them right back out or half the time they post bond before you have even finished the paperwork. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to do this job over time with their family? I don't get it. I don't understand it and I never will. So anyways... we are roomies - he's gone by 2:45 and I get home about 4:00 I'm in bed at 9 he gets home at 11:30. I get up at 5:00am and he's in bed. So we never see each other. He never has time to talk on the phone when he's working so he doesn't have time for us anymore. That's what I wanted to tell Tucker but I decided to take the high road. Yeah me (said in a very sarcastic tone).
Anyways...I am looking forward to the weekend. I can't wait to see Tucker Christmas morning. I can't wait to play with his toys with him. That kid makes my life! He's so cool!
Hope you have a FESTIVE day!

I was given this advice right before I got married from a wise christian man whom I dearly love!
If you get into a fight in your marriage, ask yourself is this worth divorcing over - if the answer is no then it's not worth fighting over. I've asked myself that alot and the answer has always been no.
But this time, the answer is yes. Yes, his job is destroying my marriage and I'd rather be divorced than to continue to live with it. So, if its Gods will then he will provide the out. I wasn't a christian when I married this man, so if I married the wrong man God will make it happen.
But yes, I'm ready to be out the only thing stopping me is my child. We just moved into this neighborhood, this house, this life and I hate to destroy my childs childhood. So, I will sit in unhappiness (I won't file - onces Tim is as miserable as I am then he'll file). Poor Tucker, he doesn't deserve this.

how do you let go without giving in
how do stop being angry but still make a stand
how do you let go of resentment and not compromise
how do live with someone without loving them or hating them
how do you have peace and still make your point
how do you let go of stubborness and still get your way
how do you let go of hatred when its all that is keeping you warm
how do you let go without letting go of it all

HATE:

A seething darkness sits at the bottom of my heart. Years of disappointment, hurtful words, dreams dead and gone. It sits there and bubbles just waiting to jump. Then it happens, the moment the darkness has been waiting for. A word drops, a voice raised, then its in the air and floats around for eternity and darkness jumps up, boiling over spilling onto everything that comes into its path. So hard to feel, so hard to smile when you veins are pulsing with blackness and your heart and mind race at the same speed drowning in the ooze of the darkness.

Kids say the funniest things:

Kid: Mom we have a screw house don't we?

Mom: A what?!

Kid: You know a SCREW house! We don't have any lights. Daddy is just an ole screw isn't he?

Mom: You mean Scrooge? Yes he is and yes we do.

Kid: Yeah, Screw, like that mean old man in the movie!

Kid: So Santa lives in North Pole City

Mom: Yep

Kid: He has 6 reindeer and 7 if Rudolph works

Mom: Yep

Kid: Santa has magic

Mom: Yep

Kid: Yep, I sure know alot about this Santa stuff

Mom: Yes you sure do!

See why I love my kid?!

Well, I can't wait until tonight! I told Tucker that tonight is a Spencer-free night (his best buddy). I said tonight is a mommy Tucker night. We're going to play Trouble, work on some school work, read some books and go to basketball practice. I can't wait to hang out with my kid. He's so fun and has the greatest imagination!
Watching 5 yr olds play basketball is hysterical! So, I'll get a good laugh at that. Then we'll be in bed by 8:30! I am so tired!
My day seems like it's never going to end. I don't even know if blogger will post this since I haven't been able to post any comments all day. Wish me luck!

Another good weekend. Tucker had his first basketball game - let me tell you... that was HYSTERICAL!!!! Once he finally got the ball he grabbed it and ran down the court the whole way... never even attempted to dribble the ball. SO FUNNY! That was a riot. Then I took him to see Santa at his school. It was a PTO thing. We got cookies and hot chocolate and sat and talked for awhile. I just love times like that with my boy! He has the most interesting things to say. Then... mom came over and we all made a gingerbread house, baked and decorated cookies, and made homemade candy. He REALLY enjoyed the house and the cookies. By the time we got to candy he was tired and over it. Can't blame him I was too! Then I cut & colored mom's hair and she colored mine. Very busy day! Skipped Sunday school and went to church folded clothes, and hung out with my boy some. His best friend Spencer came down. He's there EVERYDAY! I told him I was going to go ahead and adopt him and turn my craft room into his bedroom. He just laughs. They said to me once, hey you are different from Spencers mom and I asked how and they both said YOUR CRAZY she's not! LOL!!! Yep, I'm a nut, I sing and dance and make the boys laugh and I hug and kiss and tickle them both. Spencer totally hates kisses (or so he acts) but funny wherever I am so is he. LOL! I had another friend come up yesterday evening and I cut colored and hi-lited her hair. She gave me a pic of Sandra Bullock on the front of Glamor and said I want my hair to look like that (yep Kris I thought of you and what laugh we'd get out of that)! Now if you've seen that pic - this friend has dishwater blonde very thin very fine hair. It took work. I did talk her out of the dark color (didnt' want her to look goth) so we went with a light red (her daughter is a red head) and it turned out gorgeous! I loved it (if I may say so myself)! LOL! Today - ugh - it's dragging! But! I did go to family christian and get the CUTEST gifts for my missionettes class. They had these totally princess hair ties that say God's little princess and some pencils that say Angels are watching over you and a cute little bag with a kitten and it says a little blessing just for you and smarties with scriptures on them. For 5 girls for $12.00!!! YEAH!! I am so glad to have that done. I am starting to look forward to Christmas. Tim got Tucker a 4-wheeler!!! Yep, I am a little concerned because I was cool w/ a 70cc (small one) but he got him a 110! BUT you can govern it down to do 4 mph and it has the parent remote and all the safety features. So I think Tucker will just fall out in excitment! And it's red - his very favorite color!
So that's my life for now...Hoping you all are having blessed days!

Another good weekend. Tucker had his first basketball game - let me tell you... that was HYSTERICAL!!!! Once he finally got the ball he grabbed it and ran down the court the whole way... never even attempted to dribble the ball. SO FUNNY! That was a riot. Then I took him to see Santa at his school. It was a PTO thing. We got cookies and hot chocolate and sat and talked for awhile. I just love times like that with my boy! He has the most interesting things to say. Then... mom came over and we all made a gingerbread house, baked and decorated cookies, and made homemade candy. He REALLY enjoyed the house and the cookies. By the time we got to candy he was tired and over it. Can't blame him I was too! Then I cut & colored mom's hair and she colored mine. Very busy day! Skipped Sunday school and went to church folded clothes, and hung out with my boy some. His best friend Spencer came down. He's there EVERYDAY! I told him I was going to go ahead and adopt him and turn my craft room into his bedroom. He just laughs. They said to me once, hey you are different from Spencers mom and I asked how and they both said YOUR CRAZY she's not! LOL!!! Yep, I'm a nut, I sing and dance and make the boys laugh and I hug and kiss and tickle them both. Spencer totally hates kisses (or so he acts) but funny wherever I am so is he. LOL! I had another friend come up yesterday evening and I cut colored and hi-lited her hair. She gave me a pic of Sandra Bullock on the front of Glamor and said I want my hair to look like that (yep Kris I thought of you and what laugh we'd get out of that)! Now if you've seen that pic - this friend has dishwater blonde very thin very fine hair. It took work. I did talk her out of the dark color (didnt' want her to look goth) so we went with a light red (her daughter is a red head) and it turned out gorgeous! I loved it (if I may say so myself)! LOL! Today - ugh - it's dragging! But! I did go to family christian and get the CUTEST gifts for my missionettes class. They had these totally princess hair ties that say God's little princess and some pencils that say Angels are watching over you and a cute little bag with a kitten and it says a little blessing just for you and smarties with scriptures on them. For 5 girls for $12.00!!! YEAH!! I am so glad to have that done. I am starting to look forward to Christmas. Tim got Tucker a 4-wheeler!!! Yep, I am a little concerned because I was cool w/ a 70cc (small one) but he got him a 110! BUT you can govern it down to do 4 mph and it has the parent remote and all the safety features. So I think Tucker will just fall out in excitment! And it's red - his very favorite color!
So that's my life for now...Hoping you all are having blessed days!

Ok, we've now had snow, I'm listening to Christmas music 24/7, I went shopping yesterday and I STILL don't have that fun oh I'm so excited it's almost Christmas feeling. I'm not sure why I just can't get it this year. Oh well, maybe next.
I took the day off yesterday (per my husbands request) and we went shopping and he took me out to eat. We did enjoy the day together but we both said (and this is so sad) that we didn't have as much fun as we wanted or thought we'd have.
I don't know if it's because we spent so much of the day in the car driving or what. The day seemed to fly by!
I've got some more hair appts scheduled for Saturday, Sunday and next Saturday. Wow, it's really cool when you pray for something and all of a sudden it really happens and you didn't have to wait for it. SO COOL! I love doing hair but I sure don't miss doing it for a living.
The rest of my December is very hectic. I'm looking forward to spring already. Geesh, I'm going to have along winter huh?
I do have some fun things planned through church, getting to know some of the people better and I'm excited about that.
My hubby's job still sucks and as far as that goes I'm still taking it one day at a time and believing in God to get me through.
We really need to get worked through this stuff because I want a baby and I REALLY REALLY want it now. I'm ready, I'm mentally prepared to stay up nights, no sleep, am ready (well as ready as one can be) for those terrible, nasty, horribly awful three's! But I know now it's just one year I can make it through and laugh my way through it. If I can just get my oh so very uptight husband to relax this would be great.
Tucker has been doing so fabulous in school. I can't tell you how my heart soars with gratefulness to the Lord for it. It's so awesome! He's a blast and now that he's getting along so well at school he realizes how easy and great life can be for him. I still think Tucker will always take the hard road he's just like his mother after all but hopefully it won't be as hard!
I'm really missing my little sister tons and tons. Why does she have to live in Montanna for petes sake! Its so very far away. I've cried a few times now thinking about her not being here for Christmas. It's not like it's the first time... but this year is harder for some reason. Must have to do with my mood.

Let me just say... I had a GREAT day yesterday - a VERY much needed girls afternoon!
I did a couple of friends hair (which I hope they are happy with). But let me tell you, I had so much fun laughing, joking, talking, catching up. I so very much needed it! So, I was blessed. And they both overpayed me so thank you SOOO much!! God truly blessed me yesterday!
And today! I forgot to write down an online purchase and busted my act. then of course the 25 fee so the next online order (which I had logged) didn't clear add another $25!!! I tried to get to the bank very first thing for the first one and by the time I got there the 2nd one had hit. I stood at her counter as tears started slipping and I start handing her Christmas money to cover the $50 plus the online purchase. So she says wait... she went and talked to her supervisor. She comes back and says I get a one time courtesy fee. So I think she's going to refun $25 and I am thrilled...well she refunded the full $50!!! I said God bless you!! She said merry christmas and I cried tears of joy!! God bless the teller at the bank!!!
Thank you God!!
Hope this finds everyone having a great Monday...

Hi, I'm still, still alive.
Enjoyed Thanksgiving at my sisters.
Friday I decided to stay home from work I have been batteling sinus' again. I should've come to work, it was a BAD spouse day and ended up being a horribley horribley lonely night. But because of that night I have had to do some serious re-evaluating of my spiritual walk, faith, self-esteem, etc. Good things will come from that very bad night.
An old friend got in touch with me through this website called classmates.com. Chris Baker (I know you remember her Kris). We were all going to form a band and call it Odunem - Menudo spelled backwards - we were in love with Menudo. LOL!! What dorks we were!
Anyways, I haven't really gotten to talk to her because I've had such a sore throat that I didn't want to talk on the phone. But I do find it odd how all of these people are crashing in from my past all at once. I'm not sure if its the enemy trying to tempt me into being my old self or if it's the Lord wanting me to share my new life with them. Or possibly both. Lord will have to give me strength to the temptations the devil will send my way.
BUT I CAN DO IT!

It is my prayer for each of you to have an abundantly blessed thanksgiving! I pray that each of you are able to let go of your fears, stresses, or whatever it is that troubles you for this day and enjoy the family that you have. That you will be able to have a grateful heart for what you have. I know that as I say my prayer tomorrow I will specifically thank God for each of you that I have met out here. I have received awesome advice and unconditional love from you all.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Another Monday.
I'm trying to get sick. I can feel the cough starting in my chest and in my throat. Tucker is too, he was trying to cough this morning. GREAT, sick just in time for the holidays.
I took cough syrup when I went to bed last night, now I can't wake up. Then I remembered that tonight is the dinner at Tim's parents. Now, I don't wanna wake up!
I know that's terrible of me. But it's how I feel.
On a good note: Tucker and I snuggled and loved on the couch last night. For like an hour and a half. It felt wonderful and he smells so wonderful. He's got the cutes little scratchy voice... I love to hear him giggle. He had a great day at school yesterday!!!! So, we went to get his slushy and we celebrated by snuggeling and talking on the couch. That kid is my life!
My definition of love for my kid: To go around with my heart walking around outside my body.
Enjoy your days!
Peace and love be with you

Good Monday afternoon. We had our non-Thanksgiving thanksgiving carry-in today. No thanksgiving fare allowed. I am so full - I have a headache because I have food coma! I am in desperate need of a nap!
So, everyone is all excited it's thanksgiving a short week. NOT FOR ME! I still have to come in everyday but Thursday. HOWEVER, I am going to sleep in Friday and show up to work in sweat pants because all the government people will be off. I do hate to come to work because we are so close to the mall I dread the traffic.
So, my weekend was pretty uneventful. My buckeyes did win and I got tell my husband a Michigan fan that he sucks. HAHA! I let Tucker have a friend spend the night. First time. Last time. Oh my! Actually not the last time, it kept Tucker out of my hair (sort of) he was pretty mouthy and bossy. I had to sit him in time out a couple of times, I threatned to wash his mouth with soap if he talked back to me one more time. Oh my teen years are going suck!
Saturday hung out around the house. Made steak, baked potatoes, vegies and hung out by myself and watched the game (gee Kris El Dorado sounds wonderful - next time call me)!
Tucker and his friend ran back and forth between each others houses all day Saturday and then he took a 3 1/2 hour nap! So, I spent Saturday alone. Yesterday after church I made to dream pies and a roaster pan full of baked spaghetti. Tucker's Nana and Papa from Georgia were up and came got him for a couple of hours (ok, they aren't really family we just call them that). So, I went to the thanksgiving dinner at church by myself. So, I had some alone time this weekend and it was nice. My house is spotless, my laundry is done, and I'm ready for the weekend.
We are going to my sisters for thanksgiving. She lives about two hours away. I can't wait to see her and her kids. I miss my babysister tons and tons. I wish Montanna wasn't so far away!
We had our first snow today. Tucker was thrilled! Although he's going to be so dissapointed when he gets home as I'm sure it's melted by now. But I have to say it was BEAUTIFUL this morning! It wasn't on the sidewalks and streets but it was everywhere else. The trees and bushes were covered and the few houses that have lights up were covered. It was cool. But I hate snow and I hate cold! I did thank the Lord for my garage!
OH! I watched The Drug Years on VH1 this weekend. Wow, I was so born in the wrong era. I am such a total hippie. Peace, love, music, self expression. I would've made a great flower power child. Watching interviews with Jerry Garcia and Janice Joplin. Watching Jimi Hendrix play (stoned out of his mind) he was an AMAZING musician. So ahead of his time. I wonder how great he was sober?! Jefferson Airplane! Wow, takes me back to my party days. What a great time they were. BUT I am glad that they are over. I think I've talked about this before so I'll shutup now...
Have a great week

We don't give a damn 'bout the whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan, we don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan we're from OHIO OH- we're from OHIO - IO
We're from OHIO!!!!
Sing to the OSU fight song...
GO BUCKS!!!! YOU MAKE US PROUD!!!
I love the Ohio State Buckeyes!!!!
MICHIGAN SUCKS - ANN ARBOR IS A WHORE!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!

Something my friend sent me... isn't that beautiful?!

Something for me to remember: NOTHING tastes as good as thin FEELS!
I am one to celebrate. I love a good party. I truly, genuinely am excited for someone when something wonderful happens to them whether I know them or not. I cry when I hear tragic news, I cry when I hear great news about complete strangers. I act really tough but really I wear my heart on my sleeve. So anyways, I love to eat. I mean how else do you celebrate? When a group of my friends get together we eat. What else is there to do? Well, I need to remember that even though we are celebrating that I still need to eat healthy. I need to celebrate the moment, the friends, not the food we're eating. (Too bad I didn't read this yesterday before Cracker Barrell and 4 pieces of french toast)!
So aneeeee-waaaayz! I watch Biggest Loser and am so motivated by it! When I go to the gym and I'm tired and I think I can't push this weight up one more time... I think back at that 5'5 245 lb woman pushing weights ALL DAY LONG. I think now if they can do it you most certainly can! I would LOVE and DREAM of hiring Bob Harper to be my personal trainer for even just a month! That's the kind of motivation I need. You think he'd fly to OH to train me?
LOL! It was once my dream (don't laugh) to be in the Ms Fitness competition. Lena Johanesson (sp) rocks. She has this amazing body yet still very very feminine. I am SO not into body building. That's just gross. Anyways, I am getting better, I have found my own motivation. I am going to they gym alone and not in need of a friend to motivate me. In fact I've found I work much harder by myself. I have designed my own routine. I am eating really well (other than the cracker barrell). And I am going to allow myself times of pigging out, I am going to allow myself moments to eat chocolate. I can not deprive myself of sweets. I do however, have to change the way I look at food. That it is not the treat, it is not a reward! I used to go out to lunch on Fri. with the gang here at work. No more. I now go to the gym, I will no longer pig out. every week. I am now putting that $10 I would've spent on lunch in an envelope and will use that money to reward myself with a trip to the craft store or clothes. I mean, that's $40 a month! Eating a huge steak, potatoes, tons of sweet tea, dessert, and greasy vegies isn't worth it! I really need to change the way I think when I go out to eat also. When I am at a resturant I just can't make myself eat healthy. I want to eat what tastes good! I need to find a happy medium in there somewhere. I'm not one to special order things, I get embarrased and never want to put anyone out (even though I am paying them) I don't want anyone to ever do anything extra for me. (of course when that come to a relationship that causes problems). I believe they call it martyer syndrome! That's awhole 'nother post! ok, so I've gone on long enough... I have made some progress and will be proud of myself. I still have more to make. When I look in the mirror instead of saying negative things I'm going to say I see improvement!

What a peaceful night! {smiles}
Tucker had a fairly good day at school, he's still grounded from Monday so he couldn't play with friends. So, we curled up the couch with dorito's and the new Mystic Force Power Ranger special the Final Spell. Schwan's showed up and I ordered some Race Trax ice cream and then we both sat down with TWO bowls a piece and ate it! We laughed, giggled, snuggled, loved, and high-yawed each other all night! It was a blast! When that was over we worked on writing some new words, practiced letters, practiced using scissors (cutting on the line) and read and then it was bathtime and bedtime. While he was in bath I read a book my sister loaned me. It's Joyce Meyer's but I can't remember the name... something like woman to woman. It's very good and SO very true so far. A very easy read. I need to go back and write down some of the verses she has in there so I can carry them around with me.
I am supposed to be meeting my friend at Cracker Barrel today... let's see if she cancels. I brought my gym bag just in case.
So, life is pretty peaceful so far without Tim home at night. It'll get lonely in a week or so. OH! And his mom called last night to invite us over Tuesday for thanksgiving dinner (she has to work thanksgiving day). Well, now Tucker and I have to go alone, Tim won't be off that day, I feel obligated. They live an hour away and it's not 6:30. I'm really not close to his family at all. I love his dad but his mom just stares at me. She's a country woman who still lives in 1950's. I have nothing to talk to these people about! And Tim's brother and his family will be there. I try so hard to talk to Beth about the kids and such but she just sits in a chair and stares at her feet and says yes or no and that's about it. I'm totally going to have to psyche myself up for this one! I just don't feel like a part of that family. His mom still talks to Tim's ex-wife and she feels the need to fill me on the details of Sarah's life. Now, don't get me wrong. I think it's great that she still talks to her. They were all very close and I think that's fantastic. But I don't really need to know. Tim's mom I'm sure thinks I'm a monster too because I don't buy her cards and such for her birthday and mother's day. I'm sorry but I feel that's my husbands responsibility to take care of his own family. Well, he hates his mother (she's his step mother but the only mom he really knows since he was like 6 months old). So, he'll send his dad a fathers day card but not send her a mothers day card. I have discussed it with him, that he needs to forgive, he needs to move on. But then I got just a little taste of her favortism (long story) and I got a glimpse of what Tim has dealt with his whole life. So, as a good wife should, I support my husband. I still tell him for his health and his own life he needs to forgive and move on. Anyways... good grief. I had no intentions of rambling on like this. Mercy! Don't get me started on something or else you'll never shut me up!

Just a quick note gotta run...
Dr called... tests came back normal. YAAA!!!
So I am just full of hot air! (I already knew that)!
So, I'm normal - (not!)

What a wonderful weekend. Just what the Dr ordered! Friday was such a beautiful day. It was 69 degrees and full sun!! A very nice suprise for November. I went to my appt then to Panera bread for an IC caramel and a french toast bagel. I sat all by myself in a corner next to the window in the sun. I felt like a cat, curled up sunning myself alone. I went home and took a walk to wake back up. Did 1.5 miles in 30 minutes. I was so motivated that I cleaned my whole house and then got some relaxation time in before Tucker got home. Then decided to rake some leaves for him and his friends to jump in. I made a HUGE pile. They stood on his little picnic table and jumped in. I am now the coolest mom on the block. LOL!!! And Saturday morning I was the sorest mom on the block. With my herniated L5 disc I know better than to rake or shovel. I was sore but nothing stretching, ice and ibuprofen couldn't heal. But I won't be doing that again. Saturday we went to the grocery as a family ( I LOVE that). Then we had a lazy day. Kris came by with some CM stuff I ordered. Tucker and I had a craft day. It was very cold and rainy so no outside time! I got all my pics in chronological order and put away in a storage box. I felt so good - it's so organized now. I am scrapbook ready! Tucker and I colored, cut, pasted and just enjoyed each others company. I made dinner (don't ever put lemon zest in anything it completley ruins it)! Sunday was FABU! My bestest friend since I was 5 years old suprised me and showed up at church! She now lives in TN. (do you rember Angi Kris)?
My pastor came in my SS room and said your friend Angi is waiting for you in the hall. WOW!! So we had a great service. Then we went to El Dorado (the best mexican you'll ever eat) and had a great time catching up. She is getting divorced and will be moving back up here in the summer after her daughter graduates. I hate the circumstances but am thrilled she'll be close again. She is looking for a church and hopefully will be coming to Assembley of God. We both grew up in the Nazarene church and neither of us want to go to another one ever. So anyways, I feel this is definatley a God thing. I think she really really needs God in her life right now, and she struggles. She is amazing and needs to be surrounded by christians right now to help her get on her feet and keep her on track for Christ right now. I think she could very easily get sucked into the wrong crowd when she gets up here. She lost a son a few years ago to a very rare (like the 5th reported case EVER) disease. She now has another child with the disease. It's a rare gene that both she and her husband have. They had like a 1 in a million chance of having a child with the disease and now they've had two. But her daughter is doing fabulously. Angi is truly a special mom who will not take no for an answer. See her website for more info. She is working on her non-profit status and should have it by January. www.raresyndrome.org
She's truly an amazing person! What a great

AaAhhh!!! Now, don't be jealous but today is my Friday. Tomorrow is veteran's day and I have the day off. I so needed a 4 day week. This has been a week full of Monday's.
I have to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder tomorrow morning. So today I have to be on a fat free diet. When the nurse first said that I laughed (thought she was joking)! Then I saw her face and SHE WASN'T! I had to ask - is there such a thing? What can I eat?
So here I sit eating dry multi-grain cheerios. They only have 1g per cup. Today I'm meeting a friend at CRACKER BARRELL! I set this up weeks ago (this friend is very hard to pin down) so I don't want to cancel. So, I will sit and eat a salad while I watch others eat that amazing food! I have several apples to eat throughout the day and plain baked potatoe for supper (EYUCK)!
Tomorrow nothing to eat or drink until after the 10:30 test. I am pulling out of the dr parking lot and hanging a left and heading STRAIGHT to Panera bread for a french toast bagel and a iced caramel coffee! I really don't think they are going to find stones. I think I'm just full of gas and hot air! We already knew that. But seriously on Tuesday I was in so much pain I was doubled over. I had gas pains in my ribs, I could feel a gas bubble up in my shoulder, my sternum hurt to touch it. I was passing gas but getting no relief. So finally after two hours of feeling that way I went to the doc. I've been feeling gassy and nauseous since Sat morning. Weird! So I bet that's WAY more than you want to know! LOL!!!
So my knew attitude toward parenting is working! I'm not taking the things he does wrong personally anymore, I'm not yelling anymore. I just ask "did you do this" and he says "yes" and I explain why we don't do that, maybe do a little role play and say okay, this is your punishment and we move on. It's working. Except for the morning bus but Tim & I had a meeting with the principal & the guidance counsler yesterday and I think we have some things worked out to help him. I see the light at the end of this phase... what darkness will the next phase bring?! Oh I can only imagine. I do love motherhood, even with all the heartache, tears, anger, frustration and sleepless nights it's still the best choice I have ever made in my life. And I have to say... I sure do make 'purty babies! HAHAHA!!
* side note: friend just called- had to cancel kid is sick. So I get to eat cracker barrell next Wed instead. Oh this is shaping up to be a happy day!

Don't really have much to say. Marriage is the same, nothing has changed. I'm just going through the motions. My pastor gave me a list of some christian counslers and today I will be checking to see if they carry my insurance. I really feel seeing a christian counsler is important - I don't want a counsler telling me to leave my husband - when I really the need push to stay.
Anyway, I stayed home yesterday becuase Tucker was sick. He had a little 24 hours stomach flu. By yesterday afternoon he was fine. But I washed 4 sheet sets, 4 comforters, 4 sets of jammies and a load of towels from cleaning grape juice puke off of my new carpet.
Poor kid! I did get to finish my book (The Broker) it was good. It did leave a question unanswered but then again I may have missed the suggestion somewhere. If anyone's read it let me know. I have a question for ya.
So, it's Friday. I never made it to the gym this week (which totally sucks). So, I'm going to hit the treadmill today.
No plans for the weekend. Just another weekend.
Hope you have a good one whereever it takes you and whatever you do... be safe!